daters, not haters

Snugle Fest 2010

2010-02-15T09:03:00.001-06:00

was totally awesome.

all the single ladies

2010-02-10T07:02:00.005-06:00

another valentines day coming up, and i'll be single. the stets and taura parted ways, people are sending me condolences, and i just want to say it's the best thing that ever happened to me, the biggest bullet i ever dodged, a weight off my shoulders, i'm as happy as if i was in my right mind.
and valentines day is coming up, and luck would have it, i've been invited to someone's house next weekend. by a boy!!! or a man, i guess. yes, i met someone cool, awesome, amazing, talented, handsome, funny, etc. and to think that if stetson and i were together i wouldn't have had the chance to connect with this person. that's what's scary, thinking if i had lost my nerve and tried to deal with stets for longer. so do i make a card? cookies? shave my legs? we're not a couple, so i guess i'll just check all of the above. maybe he doesn't know it's valentines day.
i had two tragic stories for valentines day, humor me.

STORY #1:
i was going to school, i had a big crush this kid i was friends with. the day before valentines day, i told him how much i had always secretly wanted a valentines day miracle. like someone surprises you with some v-day crap and tells you they like you and it's magic and the end. and guess what happens? i go to my inbox/mail cubby thing at school, and there it is: v-day crap like candy and red socks and a mini notebook with my name in stickers on it, maybe something else like a little collage card that says "be mine" or some such item. CLOUD 9! he liked me, and took my hint about the valentines day miracle coming true, and i couldn't wait to find him. i gathered up all my treasures and went to the photo lab to find him, and i saw my friend naomi right away. "oh, you found the presents i got for you!" and i don't remember if i was gracious or thankful, or if i started crying or what. the lab saw a lot of my emotions, of everyone's. my dear friend had decided to do something sweet for me, not the spray paintin' hip hoppin' 20-something dork i thought was worth it. i was sad, and like to tell this story about failed v-day miracles. people like it because it's so tragic.

tragic story #2 is so tragic, i think it needs proper introduction, and i have to go now.
ciao, muthas

2010-01-20T15:54:00.002-06:00

a client of mine was having trouble printing a photo at walgreens, so i called a couple walgreens to ask them what kind of things would be problematic for their kiosks. BIG MISTAKE. they are idiots and told me these helpful hints.
1)my clients needs a release form to get the photos printed.
2)the files can only be jpgs. "it's a very common type of file, it's j-p-e-g"
3)sometimes, and we don't know why, the files will save as a tiff or giff or something else.
4)the dvd wasn't finished burning
and if nothing seems to work, maybe i could find a smart nephew to help.

Parties, Jackets and Cats

2009-10-01T16:23:00.003-05:00

holy crap, where do i get all this energy to party? oh simply borrow it from tomorrow. had to take an emergency nap today to try to normalize after last night, did some band photos and then was viciously corralled into drinking more. i'm crossing my fingers about the posed ones, have no hopes for the live ones. keep remembering someone else i talked to last night when i went to the bourbon and watched bands. i know, i didn't think i did that anymore either. i remember when i was fun and not lame. saw a band which is either a band that i know or a group of dudes who play musical chairs and change members with the day of the week, either way was glad not to see that one idiot ex in the line-up.
still thinking about winter and how to avoid it's effects, cuz it's been getting colder, like it always does. earlier this week stetson and i went on a nice ride, though the ride back after the sun went down was so freaking cold, it wasn't even funny. i decided that i finally need to get a riding jacket, and have been debating for days about which one. should i go with the leather or textile version? or the other one? stetson is tired of the subject. but it's so exciting, can't wait to order and get my sweet non-retail dealer price:))) went to el chaparro for lunch with stetson today, we finally split the fajitas, they were good, and a great deal for two people with reasonable appetites to share. please alert the press with that one.
bill and xana need hobbies. cuz they are bugging the crap out of me. they just lose their toys under the couch, and that's always a depressing place to retrieve them. the only toy they don't manage to lose is this stupid shakey plastic ball that they've pulled all the yarn covering off into a foot long tangled mess that hangs on by a piece of glue. i finally decided that if they lose their toys, then they can get them themselves. i lifted up the couch and see one of their favorite toys, and bill runs under there to get it. he comes out with a sucker and i take it away from him and make xana go under there to and get the toy, and she comes out with a dentapick. dang it cats, don't you know you're supposed to do what i tell you? i finally get the toy for them, but bill is already fiercely playing with the sucker, like eyes wild and ears back and trying to tear it apart. now they're playing with the jingle ball toy, i expect to hear it stop jingling any minute now when it goes under the couch. you think they'd learn, but no. they jump up on my chair and squeak and meow (which is really cute) and push their way onto my lap because they want to help me type. sometimes i imagine there is evolution going on and they'll imitate me, like typing my emails or using the toilet. but i'm not holding my breath as they always chase the laser pointer. NO MATTER WHAT.

2009-09-03T08:33:00.004-05:00

good bye summer!
so dark in the morning, needing jackets in the evening, last state fair in lincoln - (bozo has been replaced by "SNAPS", a more polite dunk-tank clown), wedding season slowing down, thinking about oatmeal instead of mini spooners, shop is slowing down, school has started for kids.
for all the love and attention i gave my garden, this is what i get in return:
5 tomatos, two zuchini, buckets of cucumbers (tired of them after 2 weeks of all cuc recipes), and about 3 weeks of good salad greens. now there's about 15 green tomatos on the vine, who knows if they'll ever ripen before the frost or they just go bad.
the worst thing about looking at winter from a season away, is the light.
things to look forward to are the pumpkins. and apple cider at arbor lodge, and soup night!!! and i always love thanksgiving and the holiday season. close-out catalogs for motorcycle stuff (the clothes, i'm gonna get a nice jacket and boots finally), and blankets.
i'm going to make a winter survival guide for people who look at winter with dread (Ok, i'm making it for myself, it may apply to other people) with all sorts of great tips and hints.
first thing to do is get these with galoshes:

ball of stress

2009-08-14T13:48:00.003-05:00

maybe i need to bring my minispooners (generic mini frosted shredded wheats) to work with me so i never have to be sad/hungry again. or maybe i need to go to bed earlier or do things right now instead of last minute. and maybe i should be rich.
bill
ms. xanadu weatherbyyes, i set up a backdrop and made my kitties pose for me.

2009-08-10T19:07:00.002-05:00

today i bought my first bottle of perfume. so now i'm becoming an old lady! oh well. i had a crap ass day, super behind on photos and stuff, need to stay up late and get things done. NOT drink beer with friends.

biz

2009-07-25T09:20:00.002-05:00

summer is zipping on by with no help from me, i've just been working away in front of my computer and pulling weeds in my yard for a fun break. i've been thinking about changing the online proofing and ordering for my clients (again) and there doesn't seem to be one great place that does it all. some have super customizable layouts and awesome streamlined features like push-button proof books and instant order fulfillment, which would save soooooooooo much time and energy on my end. other places are EASY to navigate and use, which is a major thing for me. if i can't get around and figure out some sample gallery, my clients DEFINITELY can't do it. not like i'm really amazing on the computer, but you got to think about the grandmas out there. the grandmas with money. if the gallery makes it easy for people to pick out what they want, navigate around, have fun and order a bunch of expensive things, then that's waht i want. but hmmm.. decisions.
i think stetson and i are going to take the rz for a ride tonight, finally!
i gotta get me some summer!

my top things & stuff

2009-07-20T09:03:00.004-05:00

new photos!!!
packages
petting my cats
text messages
when the lawn is mowed
when it's raining when i wake up
listening to the radio
client praise
coffee
fat checks
being on top of my game
laying in bed
clean kitchens
eating
running

the last few times i've gone running, it's been crappy. and that sucks. because when i have a bad experience doing something, i shy away from doing it again. and i just call that smart. but with running, that's not how i want to feel. maybe one day i didn't drink any water, or i'm hungover, or i've just shot a wedding (for example) and i then decide to go out a little earlier than usual, when it's still hot out and next thing i know there's a hot diamond pressing into my forehead with all my blubber pinching into my stomach and i feel vomity. then i walk home, kind of ashamed that i wimped out. but there's been days where i get up that hill feeling all great and strong and think about how i've really made some sort of break through and i'm gonna say good-bye to muffin-top in the next few months. but hell, then i do the long route in nothing flat, i'm like "what muffin-top?" but everyone has muffin-top, in varying amounts. true.

2009-07-14T16:20:00.003-05:00

my mom and i went on a trip around nebraska in june, finding some of the most beautiful camping spots around. our trips are usually a highlight of my year, and sometimes my only vacation. this time was no exception, though knots in my stomach because of biz difficulties and pissed off phone calls from family members made it harder to lose myself in photographing than it has in the past.

things are getting better though, computer probs fixed and internet fired up and connected. working like mad on photos from forever ago, watching the greasy young teens walk up and down the block, to and from the gas station for gallons of pop, reveling in the amazing puberty which has caused them to grow and feel funny.

here is a pretty pretty picture of some pretty pretty peonies from my garden. this is one of the reasons i moved back to nebraska, to have my own patch of dirt to play in. and ha, i got one helluva big patch of dirt now, which constantly needs mowing and weeding and watering and tending. and it totally rules.

2009-06-03T18:53:00.003-05:00

OMG it's been a month and a half since i last said anything, lame. if i could just stream the blogs i make in my head, everyone would be much more satisfied.
my little sister's boyfriend brian is the best. they have cats also, and love them very much. one day brian was talking with my grandma about how much they love their cats, and then he said, "i just think about having a child and how great it would be to have them love you back" these words make you golden.
today i worked in my garden (yay) to relieve the stress of talking with insurance people (ick) and came inside to see that my own little kitties had taken the bag of moss that i was going to put on the rock wall in back, and ripped it up and strewn it all over the kitchen. dirt and moss and bag everywhere. brats!! i yelled at them and shook my finger at them, and they just purred and looked at me, excited that i was standing so close to their food container. they didn't even know i was mad. i thought to myself, "i can't wait to have a kid someday cuz eventually they'll know when i'm mad at them." you can't be too mad at something that is just happy you're around.

2009-04-20T19:30:00.003-05:00

i'm giving a presentation (i guess) to the lincoln camera club tomorrow, i think just on my own work! i guess. so i'm looking through all my files, trying to find different projects to put on a dvd for a slideshow. and i can't find anything! most of my early work was shot on film, and what i scanned i scanned at 6696 x 8964 px and they take 25 minutes to open in photoshop. or else they were scanned at 150 x 250 px and look like dookie. so i'm trying to figure out what to do if i can't find some good quality manageable files.

xana, my kitty, was spayed today, and now she's all drugged up and retarded. she just spent 45 minutes sitting in the bathtub looking at her water dish with her paws completely soaked. bill, her brother, looks like a genius right now and is taking every opportunity he can to lick her pooper. it weirds me out, cuz i think he enjoys it. i made an appointment for bill to go in for an operation on thursday, before he gets any more big ideas about his sister. sorry bill. xana and bill came from a welding/auto shop in lincoln, xana was randomly found by my dad about a week after gypsy rose ran away. my dad and i went to the shop the next day, and the guy said he wanted to give her to a good home. and he let me take her home right then! she was a dream kitty, and i went back to get her brother a week later. he's another story. which i'm sure you'll hear all about in the future.

Saturday

2009-04-12T12:16:00.004-05:00

adam 2000 looking for the lighter, at the estate sale.
the little blue bike that DIDN'T SELL! not even for $2.50!!
relaxing after tennis... who would have ever guessed that i would wear shoes like that and get talked into playing tennis by THAT GUY?
bmfk and i decided to visit a place dear to our youth, bum city. this is what you see when you're finally close to the entrance, when you're cold and your back hurts, and you're just starting to think that you'll never get out.
i spent alot of time down there with my friends, spray painting crap and hanging out. it was really cool to get down there again, not much has changed really. saw things i wrote in 1993, and saw things that i remembered seeing back then, and the best part is seeing all the amending of messages over the years, the additions to drawings or phrases. it's like time doesn't exist. i remember being down there, and it was like everything was written by some other kids in the last couple weeks, even though "irving rules" was painted when you were 2. and it still felt like that way, like i was 15 and wearing my combat boots hanging out with my cool friends booger and d-formed.
yes, that says blessed sacrament. what kind of bad ass catholic kids would come down and spray paint their schools' name, but not write "sucks" or something? they were bad, but not that bad:) and yes, you can also see how several people felt about no doi, the zine robin and i used to do.
this took some initiative.
this is cool because it probably was painted in 1976, and you can see where the water has washed away some of the paint during the floods. funny, the danger of flash floods never crossed our minds. ahh, youth.

2009-04-09T21:49:00.002-05:00

i'm sick of wearing my ugly winter clothes, winter needs to unclasp it's claws from lincoln. nice day here, nice day there, next thing it's a 20 degree day in april and i feel as if it's too much to hope for to actually GET summer. high hopes!
it's funny, i've been feeling lonely and funky lately, even though i talk to tons of people and make a point to meet up with my friends. weather, anyone? i was hanging out with this guy for a bit, but jsut wasn't seeing it going anywhere and kept meaning to call and say just that... but i'm a chicken and didn't do anything until he walked into duffy's where i was holding someone else's hand, and then i still didn't do anything because i was too embarassed with myself and how shitty i am. he'll probably read this because he knows how to use the internet, unlike stetson, who... well, he's much better with a wrench. but that's fine, the world needs mechanics. and the world needs broken hearts, they slow down the spin from all the love. i just made that up, it's retarded. this is about as specific as i get on ye old blogge, cherish it. speaking of ex-boyfriends, taka has a cat named puff.

killer

2009-03-23T21:51:00.002-05:00

today the wind was blowing so hard, i thought it was going to blow my house down. i was sitting in my "office" upstairs working on photos and looking out the window at the weather (yes, it's a pasttime) and kind of getting scared because i can feel it through the floor and hear the creaks in the walls. it's kind of thrilling, but terrifying at the same time. most of the time it was more terrifying. like, first a shingle would blow off, and then a bunch more would come off, and then big pieces of the roof would blow off and next thing you know the wind has whittled away my ancient little house to nothing. but it didn't! yay me. but then i made some food and turned the tv on, and oh, there were tornados going on. i heard the sirens, but thought it was a test. i was busy listening to mystery play internet radio, (mpir.com - awesome) and they weren't playing local weather.

i finished processing an awesome shoot, "pro"-blogged about it, see a few extras on my flickr. all day today i worked on an engagement shoot and then started working on the other awesome shoot i did, at the public and black market. i'm so tired, and so tired of looking at the computer. i usually don't let myself stop working unless it's a short break, but i might just call it quits. have a drink, watch a cool photoshop tutorial, take it easy.

that was my plan at least, until i got 3 urgent emails from clients & etc, and next thing you know it's time to go to bed. lame. ok fine, they can wait till tomorrow.

exercise

2009-03-21T15:58:00.003-05:00

i don't know what it is about exercise, but it just makes me want to eat chips and dip or some other such exercise-negating treat. so after my little run (or maybe jog...) i came home and ate chips and dip with a big ncdg cup of soy milk while watching antiques roadshow. and had a nice stretch as well. i loooove saturdays.

2009-03-19T16:31:00.004-05:00

i'm getting tired of writing blogs about how much i've been crying, so it's especially tiring that here's another one...

first, GREAT NEWS! finally got a cat, from the awesome cat house, an all cat no kill shelter in lincoln. she's small, all black, has long hair and light green eyes. she has the suspiciously hippy-scented name "gypsy rose," but as she has been a homeless outdoor kitty in kansas, it sounds like a good fit if you name 10 cats a day. she is soft and silky, has a fat little tummy and cutest meow.

next, BAD NEWS. gypsy rose escaped, and is on the lam. i set food out for her, and put pounce treats in it. cuz see, she wasn't eating her food when she was with me, she would just eat the pounce i'd feed her. i figured if i left food out for her with some treats in it, and only the treats would be gone, then maybe it could be her. for two nights some creature ate the pounce and left the food...

so then i had one of the helpful cat house volunteers set up a trap behind my house with fancy feast tempting her inside, and i caught a grey cat, not my little black cat. will try with pounce again tonight, and possibly a video camera on time lapse.

it's tragic.

jobs are piling up like crazy. and just think, that i have a full 6 months of this ahead of me, looking at beautiful brides and making them even more beautiful. i should be happy that i'm busy, and looking forward to the day i raise my prices and can hire an assistant:)

2009-03-05T19:09:00.004-06:00

another beee-autiful day today, sat on my porch swing for the second time and watched the neighborhood pre-teen rats ride bikes around and yell at each other. and to the trained eye, feel extremely uncomfortable when the female pre-teen rats come out of their dwelling and slink down the street with their greasy bangs. ahh spring...

tonight some gals are going to the sk8zone, girls i used to skate with. i haven't been on skates since july or something, how sad! i invited the lanky youngster i've been texting recently, and he told me he'll rent some 'blades. i just went, "aaaaaaugh! really??" and he's like "yeah, oh no, does that like take me down a notch in your eyes?" and i said it depends on his moves. and that's true. as long as i don't fall, and can eat some nachos the night will be a success. what if we have to hold hands? i suppose i could ask my neighborkids for advice on skating rink matters. it's always a good sign if a dude will come to the rink with you, risking injury and humiliation in exchange for a couples skate. what if he's a better skater than me though? what if i'm the one who falls? if he's late, i'm gonna be p.o.'d

ciao

the grape mistake

2009-03-02T23:30:00.002-06:00

i get so cold throughout the day, that when it's time to go to bed i can't even warm up under the covers and i just lie awake cold as ice from buns to feet. the other night i was employing the best warming method, a water bottle with really hot water in it under the covers with me, when suddenly i felt this burning on my legs, it was wet, and i tried to get away from it, and then it started to feel really shock-y & weird, and i realized my electric blanket was electrocuting me. yes, i know, don't bother telling me how stupid it is to use a water bottle and an electric blanket at the same time, it honestly didn't cross my mind until then. i freaked out, jumped out of bed and turned on the light, and checked out the situation. my freaking water bottle broke! like a big crack through the side, and it had spurted hot water on my legs and feet, and it was so hot (because i put boiling water in it) that the burns felt like a shock. but now they're blistering, and my hot water bottle is broke. this is too bad, but a good lesson. i will have to use the strange hot/cold pack i used when i skated and would injure myself, wrapping the cold bead-filled tube around the knee or ankle or what ever part hurt. if you put it in the microwave, it gets hot and lets off steam heat which is supposedly supposed to give better more penetrating heat than just a hot brick or something.

i can't think of words today, like "symbolism." that came to me after a long while. i couldn't even think of a similar word, or a synonyme. the closest thing i could think of was "represent."

so, by now my bed should be warmed by the lectric blanket, and you should know that i tricked you into thinking there would be a story about humorous blunder involving grapes. gotcha!

2009-02-26T20:42:00.003-06:00

i think the term is weepy, for the state of my mind. the weather turned to shit again, even this morning was kind of nice and in the 40's, and then it got really cold and windy... not the freezing rain they predicted, but it was bad enough. the first few days of the week were so nice (50's & 60's) it almost makes you feel alive again. i need to put a permanent 6 week vacation into my yearly schedule from now on, get the rock out of here.
am fixing cookies. "why is that so interesting?" you may ask, because i have a stove now!! my house didn't come with a stove or a fridge, and my dad who is amazing, ran a gas line up to my kitchen and put my grandma vi's basement stove in last weekend. grandma vi had a stove upstairs and a stove downstairs for maximum cooking power. that's a grandma for you. so i am making cookies from scratch, you know, mix the butter and eggs together and then put the mix in, and good god, they're good. betty crocker.
last weekend my mom and i went to see grandma edna in scottsbluff, and took some indulgent detours on the way. photo detours. mom is the only one i can travel like that with, no one else has the patience to stop because of an interesting tree or a funny building. we pretty much entertain ourselves for days on end taking photos of worn wood, cows and trailers all over nebraska. it sucks when it's cold like this because it's not so nice to stay outside for very long. here are a few i like from last weekend:
it's hard to put them up because i don't know if people see what i see in them, not because i am afraid people will get something different out of them, but like they'll look at them and say "booooring, i hate landscape. where's tugboat?" but i think these are funny and sad. i feel like i'm finally getting this project down, it's nice. what will be even nicer will be when my mom and i get our nebraska website up and all our photos on it! but until then you'll just have to come to my studio the next first friday for an evening of me talking to other people because i know you and i don't know them and i'm a business lady now. but seriously, come! byow&c, i'm not a rich business lady yet. w=wine. c=cheese

snack review

2009-02-12T16:45:00.000-06:00

have you ever been to another country and found your favorite dumb thing to eat, and after taking the first bite or drink and it's totally different. it's like, "finally mountain dew! heck, i'll buy two 2 litres and just go back to my room and drink it all. (glug glug glug) what the hey??? this is not mountain dew, it's like mountain CRAP! no, it's more like MOUNTAIN PEE!!" and you just can't imagine what happened to the flavors. well, that's what happened when i purchased one of my favorite snacks, cheetos. see, there is a vending machine in the 80's office torture room in the basement of our building, and when the feeling gets me, i have to go get a mini-bag. well, one day i went down there and ho! no cheetos available. and no cheetos the next week, and the next. the machine just ran out of snacks one by one. and even worse, there was a row of candy items that you couldn't buy. you put your money in and the red light would flash by the "choose another item" sign, the whole row was like that. you can imagine my frustration. so i wrote an angry post-it for who ever stocks the machine, though after a month of no cheetos, my post-it just mocked me everytime i went to check on the cheeto status. finally, it was so bad that i had to write an email to the vending machine place and told them to "get on the ball." they finally came and talked to adam, and told him somebody from our building went nuts on him when he last came to stock the machine and used a hand-truck to bring the snacks in, and there's a sign on the door that says "no hand-trucks" and so what's a vending man to do? i guess never come back. until my email, and he stocked the whole vending machine, though ignoring my post-it to put two rows of cheetos in. but guess what??? he made everything a dollar, even candy bars. what a spiteful man! it's just the talk of the office, mainly by me. but in the mean time, i had to have cheetos. it's like when you start to give a dog a piece of towel soaked with bacon grease and then pull it away, it's all they can think of for hours. i thought of cheetos even more than i should. so i went to the Hy-Vee and shopped for a bag of cheetos, and finally decided on the healthy "oven baked" ones because as i'm not riding my bike, skating or going to the ymca these days, i want to give my butt the least amount of reason to expand. and it's so exciting to have a whole bag to myself i opened them in the car and ate them on the way home, and hooo-weee, they sucked. imagine getting the "our family" brand of macaroni-n-cheese and sprinkling the cheese powder on a rice cake and eating it. totally gross and unsatisfying. i can't wait until i finish the bag and can get a new snack at home. so the lesson is, don't buy a big amount of an un-tried snack. you just might hate it!!!

First Friday, People!

2009-02-05T15:50:00.001-06:00

It's First Friday again, this time I'm putting some personal work up! It's a sampling of my Nebraska photos, an ongoing body of work I'm building side-by-side with my mother, Susan Horn. Stop by and say hi, see what I do in my spare time, and check out the other galleries and shops in the Parrish Projects!
When? Friday, February 6, 2008 from 7pm-10pm (I'm at the end of the hall on the right!)
Where? the Parrish Projects at 1410 O Street

let's pretend we're grown-ups

2009-01-20T19:05:00.003-06:00

i have a new blog up and running, it's "professional" so i don't talk about getting drunk or boyfriends or use curse words & etc. it's weird, trying to be "professional." not long ago, i was at a party where i didn't know anyone but my friend who was hosting it. pretty soon after i started socializing, i realized everyone thought i was nutty or cRaZzy. i don't know how to explain it, but i couldn't just be myself and be hilarious without everyone looking at me in shock/disgust. i had to reel it in, change my strategy, and pretend these people are my clients and act accordingly. i guess they all knew each other, and when you get some tattooed girl in their circle who drinks straight gin and talks like a sailor, everyone pays attention and "judges." maybe i'm the one who is judging, but that's just how i felt the other night. so being "professional" is new for me. i've given up on being a punk and having scabies and warrants, but i'm not comfortable being the other way either. yeah, it's a bitch trying grow up when you're all set in your old ways.
so anyways, check out the new blog!
taurahornphotography.blogspot.com

2009-01-15T23:50:00.004-06:00

did i mention mobsters is lame?
i have become way less addicted to the internet since i don't have it anymore, it's super. tasha uses her neighbors, and does tons of downloading. can i say that? but one day she looked at the name of the signal thing, and it said, "please stop using limewire" which is hilarious. i use my neighbors, i think they're old people. i think this because the signal isn't always there, which makes me believe that they turn it off, like how they feel about telephones. if you're not using it, hang it up. and then i don't get a weak ass internet signal after matlock comes on.
my nostrils froze together this morning on the walk from my car to work. i had to park 4 blocks away and walk, and of course there was a luncheon (the culmination of several months planning and hustling) that i had to dress nicely for, so not only did my nostrils get cold, but my knee caps strangely were freezing cold. this is the dark period friends, when it's on the down falls and has to get worse before it gets better. today it was -9 out, and it's going to be like this for a while more. depressing, cold, i haven't even taken a walk in my new neighborhood, and i wear ugly winter clothes all the time cuz i'm such a wimp. what can i say? winter sucks... i could just come home each day and watch such things as the two hour american idol show (like on tuesday) or the two hour "goodbye grissom" marathon of csi (like tonight), or start catching up on all the shows i don't care about then start drinking with dinner, and wake up in spring about 20lbs heavier and a million times more lame... i should try to be more productive with all this downtime, and work on my "stuff" that i'm supposed to do, and that other stuff i'm supposed to be devoting my life to, you know "art." this is a constant complaint for me. but it's winter, it's ok to complain. i'll just probably get a cat and become obsessed with it like molly is with her cats. do you think cats would make good models? probably not. freeze dry them i guess.
our teenager at work is turning out to be cool i guess, though he has the usual trappings of a teenager (kfrx, gaming, etc). he talked to me about getting internet. i turn into a total idiot when it comes to techy computer things, i just can't bother. if i learn about things, then i have to know about them. and that just won't do. i think he spends alot of time on the internet, wonder if he tracked this blog down or not. internet is a big one for me to think about.
things on my personal to do list:
get internet
get new bag for fuji 645
go to dentist and get falled out filling filled
make more art
see boyfriend
get cat
laundry
pay bills

don't even ask about the "taura's cool photography biz" to do list, it would blow your mind.

ciao mfs.

2008-12-04T22:32:00.002-06:00

i have found a faint wireless signal in the south east corner of my living room, awesome. between my laptop konking out on me, and not having internet at my house yet, it's been a loooong loooong time since i had easy internet access. probably 6-7 weeks. so this is a nice surprize:)
we have a new guy at work, he's a teenager. his previous job was at wendy's, and he treats this job much the same way. today i was folding programs, and he comes in and stands about 6 inches too close playing with a rubber band or a staple or something. usually you expect someone to say something eventually, but not our guy. just stands there. sometimes i'll just turn to him and say, "oh sorry, is there something you needed?" and he'll take his self elsewheres.
when i was making a stop at sun mart on my way home, i parked beside a van. a couple of kids got out as i walked to the store. i ended up walking behind one of them, smelling the stale cigarette smoke and b.o. waft in my direction, and i just looked. he had on those terrible flimsy sports shorts on, and had pulled the back elastic part down below his butt, exposing a maroon pair of flannel boxers someone else bought him. maybe to fart better. or pick some nanny balls out easier. then he had on some black puffy skater shoes, with no socks! it's fucking 18 degrees outside, and he's wearing shorts and no socks.
teenagers...

oh poopers

2008-12-03T16:02:00.003-06:00

i've been up to my eyeballs in this and that, still haven't unpacked or bought groceries since i moved into my awesome house almost 3 weeks ago... everything's so urgent! everything on my plate has a #1 on it as far as priorities go, and it's just so much to do. on the lighter side, i wrote a press release for a new cd on monday, not having listened to it yet. so i made things up and guessed about others. should i be saying this? and i am just listening to it right now, and the song i called "inspiring" is actually "depressing," "somber" and "funeralesque" work better. maybe i could change it "thoughtful" before i send it out.
i'm wearing a bob marley hoodie. it's stetson's.
i got a haircut yesterday from the wonderful mandy at tangerine, i think i should just make a standing appt like people do. new haircuts are so amazing, i went from about 15 years old to 28 years old without having a professional haircut. that's alot of time, especially because i'm mostly an adult during this time. it's much better than getting a new shirt too! but just barely...

photos from warmer days...

this is frankie boy. when he becomes frankie man, i'm hoping he makes it with tina and they have a baby dog together. and i'm going to get that dog!

a trip to indian caves with stetson, we took his bike down a path through the woods to the river and then my boots went into the mud and almost came off.
stetson goofing off, maybe going to fall in:)
xoxo t

2008-10-29T14:03:00.002-05:00

i looked in the mirror this morning, and my head has turned to a silver hair factory. i saw like 6 new ones. i guess you can't look 23 forever, someday you gotta look 24.

of course the growth of silver hairs wouldn't have anything to do with me - drumroll - buying a house, would it? it was love at first sight, and now it's a nightmare making it work out.

my laptop broke. hard drive went kablooey. no internet, no blogging, no checking emails, no ordering clients photos without a lot of planning and driving and schlepping around huge lacie drives.

having a opening at my studio for the next first friday, busy trying to get everything ready for that.

and my website will be finished soon! it's going to kill. i'm not building it, but it takes soooo much work editing, finishing, and preparing the photos and text to go on it. decisions to be made, problems to solve, etc... can't wait.

and i have business cards finally!

along with shooting weddings, engagement shoots, meeting with clients, i have a full plate. and grey hairs.

book review

2008-09-29T16:23:00.002-05:00

today i am going to review the 1972 Readers Digest Condensed Fine Novels.

it's hard to read good books when you don't have money to buy books, or timely enough to keep on track with library due dates. so you read your books that you've already read before, or books that you find in the free bin outside of "a novel idea" bookstore. i'm also reading "Seinlanguage" by jerry seinfeld, it stays at my studio because it's not worth reading for more time than when you're waiting for a client to arrive. an actual good book that i found in the free bin is the david brinkley autobiography, can't wait to finish that one and review it. the worst book i read was about secular humanism. it scarred my mind. the problem with condensed books is that someone has taken chunks out of them to get that condensed feeling in order to fit the bill for readers digest. i try to guess at the gaps in plot, and wonder if it was sloppy editing, or just sloppy writing. with readers digest, you never know. the one from 1972 starts out with a murder/action/mystery novel about an old lady who is a spy and knows karate. it was a page turner, and i have a fondness for the old lady, but things just tied up too nicely in the end for me to feel much happiness that they turned out that way. another of the stories was a romance/time-traveling type thing revolving around a bonny woman who we all grow to love. fate is pitted against her, and her bodice is ripped often due to ale-fueled knights and knaves. she has fallen in love with the wrong man, a monk named stephan, who loves her also but when they have sex he punished himself for his sins by wearing a hair shirt. another novel in the book is more like a guide, a guide to japanese culture. as i dated a japanese guy for a period of time, i thought it could shed some light on our relationship. mostly, it's about how much better american/western practice is because we get things done, though the author does go into great lengths about how fine a tradition it is to have geishas. i'm not sure reading it 3 years ago would have helped taka and i make things work. though i haven't exactly read every single page of the 1972 readers digest condensed fine novels, i can safely recommend that you don't read it. if you happen across it on the shelves in a store, keep moving on.

2008-09-26T16:27:00.002-05:00

so many exciting things going on!
cs4 is out, can't wait to get started once i figure out how to finagle a copy out of someone...
my new website is almost ready, worked on it until late last night with my mom and sister molly. how lucky am i to have a sister who designs websites and has great taste, and a mom who teaches photography, design, and web design? i thank my lucky stars that not only do i have a great family who i get along with, but that they're wonderfully talented and lend their skills to my undertakings. i am very excited about the new website, it will mostly be my commercial stuff, with a sampling of personal work consisting of the nebraska project, cambodia documentary and my tree/night/mandala body of work.
have three shoots lined up in the next few days, a couple engagement shoots and a fashion shoot with the most beautiful megabomb. stoked about that.
stetson and i raced his zuma scooter with my rd60, it was very close. mostly depended on who got off the starting line first, which depended on who said "go" first. finally got my helmet, it rules.
did you know you can get a ticket for not putting those little stickers on your licence plates after you renew your registration? who knew... all those things no one ever bothers to tell a girl.
it's beautiful out, especially for late september. i better shower and get down to the martini bar to meet my mom and sister tasha, it's friday night.
my mobsters is going ok, got my skyscraper finally. but have not been kicking so much ass these days, working on upping my energy instead of my attack power. can't have it all... sometimes i imagine it's real money.

things & stuff...

2008-09-18T15:24:00.008-05:00

have been dreaming about riding motorcycles lately. it's awesome. i told the stets a while ago that i want a motorcycle, a real motorcycle. and he asked what kind. so i don't know anything about motorcycles, i just know what i think looks cool, and i told him there's a little green one at the shop he works at that i like. he tells me that it's his, he's restoring it to sell it, and i can buy it for what he's put into it. and then today i talk to him and he's riding it around, and tomorrow when i go to the shop i can ride it too! i'm so excited. it's a little yahama rd60, just my size. it looks like this:

i think it'll roar down A st just fine:)
i'm feeling a little better today.
tomorrow i go back to jen's class at bryan h.s. to talk to her kids about their photographs they made this last week. last thursday i went in and brought some of my work and talked to them about photography. jen has told me that they're really excited about the assignment we gave them "personal documentary," and some of them have already been bringing in photos they've taken, which makes me happy. i'm so stoked to see what they came up with, we talked about taking their photos and turning it into a zine. how cool is that? i'd like to have a show at my studio for a first friday in conjunction with their zine if jen's up for it.

wonderful email...

2008-09-18T15:24:00.002-05:00

this is one of my favorite spam messages ever. look at the thought put into this! and the song titles are golden, it's like a stream of conciousness from one song to the next. and so i give the gift of gift to you. someone should email gift and find out the lyrics.
have i posted this before?

I NEED A MUSICAL LABEL

My name is GIFT, I am a rapping artist and a SONGS WRITER, I have 1 track demo which titled "lord I pray" and other 23 tracks not yet voice.please if there is any musical label that has an interested in having a deal with upcoming artist let them contact me please I am good all I need is an assistance , so that I can get back to them with my demo.

some list of my songs are:

My startin point ( da sky will be my startin point)
Who I am ( lord show me who I am)
Lord knows why
Search
U know i luv u
I can't forget
My best brother
Mum is gon
Babe is ok
Da world is pain ( been born at all is a great risk)
Aids is real
Will u cry 4 me?
Will u luv me when am down
They luv me when they don"t know me
That's how we lay
I need no woman luv

GIFT ENOLUOMHEN
22, AREMU OLATUNBOSUN STREET,
MAFOLUKU OSHODI. LAGOS STATE.
NIGERIA
POSTAL CODE: 23401
EMAIL: chatwithagift@yahoo.com AND giftfarm@yahoo.com
CELL: +2348020572859 AND +2348030449109

2008-09-16T00:11:00.003-05:00

feeling mean and sad and fugly. feeling washed out and tired. want to rant about the boyfriend. and things are really actually fine, maybe it's just that time of the month where i get worked up easily. last week my car got towed and i freaked out on the police lady on the phone i talked with, and then she called back and told me i could get a ticket for that kind of behavior. and i was really in a state at that point, and am like, "WHA-HUH-HUHT FORRR!" and am standing on the corner bawling with snot coming out of my nose and everything. and i'm a block away from the police station and telling a lady "fuck you" on the phone... great idea. great self control. that's the kind of thing that'll get me arrested. i missed an important appointment because my car was in the tow yard, and then the next day my bike got a flat tire on the way into work. friday was good, my dad's birthday. went out for martinis, food at the red fox, and cake at g-ma's. saturday sucked. sunday had a photo shoot with katelyn, and then right after it finished, sunday sucked. i don't want tomorrow to suck. today was cool, had tacos and margaritas with delaney after work, but then had to go to the sprint store cuz my phone is breaking... i've had more than my fair share of problems with sprint, and tonight the supervisor told me that my plan looks fraudulent and he wasn't going to do anything to help me. !!! that sucked. tomorrow i'm going to shower and dress cute and try not to say dumb shit. today i wore (from the bottom up) tan boots, brown jeans, a tan tank top with a purple/blue patterned scarf. the tank top was a bad choice, but i topped it all off with a black northface performance warmth shirt thing. what??? how ugly is that? super. dang. no wonder i feel like crap, i look like a dumb shit who doesn't know how to match.
but good news is around the corner, molly is making me a killer website that i'm really stoked on!! and she's giving my name and all that a look i love. i'm going to go nuts with the business cards, stationary, brochures, etc... i should cheer up and go to bed.
sorry to be so vague about why days are sucking.

2008-09-09T18:13:00.002-05:00

i'm finally registered to vote in this sea of red! yes.

waste of time

2008-09-04T00:29:00.005-05:00

25 things i could have done tonight besides play Mobsters

1)make a nice blog instead of a crappy list
2)do the dishes
3)make a lunch for tomorrow
4)fold my laundry
5)process derby photos
6)process nebraska photos
7)process state fair photos
8)make art
9)work on wedding albums
10)write emails to the zillion people i need to write to
11)snuggle with the stets (but we talked about Mobsters on the phone instead of hanging out!!! lame!)
12)deposit my paychecks
13)get my photo gear ready for tomorrow
14)read my readers digest condensed novels
15)call my mom
16)work on my website with molly
17)look for a new job
18)organize my desk
19)pay my bills
20)sit ups
21)hang out with someone
22)organize the photos i'm bringing to jen's class next week
23)make a zine
24)dance
25)ANYTHING besides the time sucking activity i partook in.

and then literally 5 hours later i stand up to stretch and look around, and hey! there's a room behind me! a real world! i may not own six pump action shotguns or 4 restaurants that earn me $3650 every hour, but there's all this stuff which is actually real and i spent all evening doing absolutely nothing! dang, wouldn't i much rather messed around with all my crappy real stuff than stare at a computer screen and pretend i'm a bad ass mobster who has lots of money and guns? i'm not bad ass at all. that was lame, and i am ashamed of myself. this happens to me frequently, getting sucked into someone's blog, youtube, myspace, flickr, shopping for clothes and photo gear, etc etc... i'm going to be good for a while now, swear!!

chiggers

2008-08-27T16:45:00.003-05:00

we went to pawnee lake last weekend, and the moment we got there, it clouded over. but that was ok, i made a killer quart of screwdriver and ran around in a bikini the whole time. yep, match made in hell. i have a nasty skinned knee and bruises, and chigger bites in unfortunate places. you should have been there, checked out my roundhouse kicks.

i went to a funeral today, it was sad.

i'm trying sooo hard to get my things together for my new and improved website, it's exciting. soon molly and i will get together and make a cool site, one sure to reel those brides in:)

you can pretend you're in the middle of my studio. it's awesome. or you could come down for the next first friday and see me! word.

the other day the stets and i played one of my most favorite card games, gin rummy. you know when it stops being my most favorite game? you know what a sore loser is? well, imagine how a sore loser acts when they're winning, and then give that person phenomenal card skills and try to play them at your favorite game. almost makes me want to resort to cheating. cheating or slapping. i tried my hardest not to be a sore loser, but i don't think i hid my disappointment very well. we'll have to have a talk tonight, we're grilling out and are going to use one of those chimney starters for the first time.

oh, and i didn't mean to imply that stetson is a sore loser, he was just a very annoying winner. maybe i'll kick his butt tonight at gin rummy and get to find out if he's a sore loser or not.

it's not really an office though...

2008-05-13T11:01:00.002-05:00

Today at the office someone said "gooms" instead of "gums". She's 65 years old or something, how can one go their whole lives saying "gooms"? I guess one of her teeth fell out of her "gooms". This is the kind of thing that could keep me up at night, thinking of all the things that could go wrong with my teeth, and making ridiculous mispronunciations.

a little history...

2008-05-07T10:53:00.005-05:00

the original function of this blog, was to help myself get over an ugly dude who blew me off. i was not going to be a hater, i was going to move on and be a dater. how i was going to do this, was go on blind dates obtained through craigslist, then let people vote who had the "better" emails and see which un-lucky fellow i should go on a heavily documented date with. and then i'd post photos and anecdotes from the date. so i posted an ad, and sifted through the douche bags looking for someone interesting. there was one this one dude i liked, he played in a metal band in the 80's that only my friend ross knew about. ONLY ross knew about them. at the exact same time, my friend eli asked me to drum in a band, which is hilarious, cuz i don't know how to drum worth shit, but i went to one practice. the other guy in the band was this japanese guitar hero named taka, who only listened to ac/dc. he knew some hot licks. but this is all happening at the exact same time... so the metal guy invited me to come watch his Ozzy Osborne cover band play at an A's game during half time the next sunday. and taka asked me to come to his birthday bbq that same sunday!!! so i had to make a decision, taka, or this other guy. well, we all know what happened, or at least you should by whose name i remember. and then, taka and i were together and the function of this blog was completed. i became a dater, and not a hater, but i just kept writing about stuff and posting photos and trying to be funny or something.

but, i don't talk about my romantic involvements on the blog. not only are they few and far between, but it just wouldn't be right. first of all, it's none of your business! second, what if the dude read it? third, i don't need people knowing how crazy i am. i am a great girlfriend (if i do say so myself) but can really "girl-out" in the beginning. do i call again today, or should i wait till tomorrow? maybe he's emailed in the last 5 minutes? better check. "girling-out" is that mindless freakout state where i can't control myself about wondering what's going on and if i've ruined it by two too closely spaced text messages, or a grievously short myspace message, or what have you. it's nonsense, and i become a ball of nerd. luckily, it only lasts for a week, and then i'm fine as long as the dude isn't too much of a chump. him being a chump only prolongs this stage for me. lincoln seems to be full of douche-bags, or guys who are in the friend zone for one reason or another. so i'm always really amazed when i meet someone who catches my attention. and then floored when i realize they don't deserve my attention. ack. but that's the way things go, right? i wonder what the percentage of relationships that are ended through the death of one person? because, how many relationships really "work out"? they may work out for a while, or longer, or 40 years, but people still split up after a long time. so, i know... the value and success of a relationship shouldn't be determined by how long it lasts, or if it lasts for the rest of someone's life. but that's what we all kind of want, right? something we can count on, that forever crap. i guess should be about the quality of time you two spend together, and how you improve the quality of life for each other. oh, my stream of consciousness, flowing into the interweb.

but so, secret is out, i kind of met someone, and i don't know if it's a match or not, but i'm really trying to keep my head over it. maybe in three months you'll see a photo of me and some non-douche bag goofing off. after three months they get upgraded from "douche bag" to "scum bag".

2008-04-23T15:30:00.000-05:00

so the new blog is here, it's amusing to me.

"i've been busy getting my studio ready
i just left a message on some dude's voice mail that i met playing poker at a dive bar last weekend, i have a feeling that"

oh, saved by an internet failure. the ride home from work yesterday was so beautiful. i rode my bike as slowly as i could, to savor the nice weather, daydreaming about the future. when i got home, i made myself a drink and sat outside and talked to lizzy and adam 2000 for a while, it was great. if all days could be as nice as it was last night. makes a person so happy, especially after this crappy winter we've had. i made myself another drink, worked on some photos at my computer (not the internet), and talked on the phone to tasha who is in orlando right now. soo, the drink worked. and i got riled up and started a huge rant about "dudes" and "douche bags" and then a long story about a guy i liked a long time ago. and i'm like, "fuck it! it's true! just write it! post it! yeah!" and so i pressed the "publish post" button, and the screen came up blank. this morning same thing, blank screen, no internet connection. in the bright morning light, i remembered that i don't want people to know that story, or what i think of "dudes" & "douche bags", or the rest of the sentence you see at the top of this post. that was all blogger saved, thank goodness. of course if it HAD posted, i could have edited it asap, but it didn't.

today is beautiful also. and it makes me happy. my dad is at my studio, doing some work for me, he can rule when he wants to. it will be finished soon, by next friday, for....(drum roll) FIRST FRIDAY! yay! so it's a very busy time for me, there's a roller derby bout this friday that i'm skating in, a huge 12 hour wedding on saturday that i'm shooting, a studio to remodel by may 2nd, and a small show to create and hang by may 2nd. ack. but it keeps me busy! and is a heck of a lot more productive than watching youtube all night.

oh yeah! and i got a photo in the daily nebraskan! as in a photo of me looking rough and tough for derby. scans later...

alright

new blog

2008-04-17T12:27:00.002-05:00

adam 2000 and i have started a new blog, called "spam-asides"
i know this sounds like it's going directly against my last post about overcoming my addiction to the internet, but it's not. i promise.

2008-04-16T21:30:00.002-05:00

ack. i realize now that i'm addicted to the internet. it sucks. and i don't really do anything productive either. it sucks. but you know what sucks more? this spoken word crap on krnu, our college radio station. sorry. and the steps i'm going to take to fix my internet addiction are thusly:
1)remind myself that no one has messaged me on myspace in the last 5 minutes since i last checked.
2)remind myself that i don't need to watch another youtube video.
3)remind myself that unless i'm ACTUALLY planning on buying more photo gear, i don't need to troll around b&h, calumet, etc...
4)remind myself that i'm never going to buy clothes off the internet (never have, either) so it's pointless to look at the fashion shopping places.
5)remind myself that trolling around flickr isn't artistic research. in fact, today i re-wrote my bio for the place i work at, and i listed some of the things i enjoy, you know, "In my spare time, I enjoy gardening, riding my bike and making art." but you know what? i haven't been doing those things (except ride my bike), i don't crochet, draw, sew, work on my "real" art, etc etc... i abuse the internet. and that makes me mad. when i wrote this at work, and realized that i'm CHEATING myself out of a good life because of the youtube, the flickr, the shopping sites, the blogs i keep up on, etc. and that makes me mad.
6)and biggest of all, remind myself that this all makes me mad.

on this note, good night.

2008-04-08T09:40:00.003-05:00

i'm living the internet nightmare. not the dream, tay, the nightmare. i'm addicted to the internet, and i don't even "chat" or do gaming or anything, just other crap like troll around on myspace and watch you tube.. i'm tired of it! i need a timer on my computer to just turn it off. how weak is that? weak.
last week we had one of those highschool seniors in our office, doing stuff to earn community service hours so he can graduate. he is the laziest teenager i've met in a while. he didn't want to work, he just wanted to talk about his stupid new PSP thing that he had hanging off a belt loop. apparently it's like an ipod and a gameboy crossed and can captivate the imagination of young men who have no goals. he wouldn't stop talking about it, and wanted me to be impressed with how many songs his friend gave him. like, 1,300. i was like, "cool, what kind of music did you get?" and he goes, "well, i don't think your type would know the kind of music." insulted by a teenager! later, i tried to give him a derby flyer, and he was like, "uhhh, i don't think so." and gave it back. "it looks kind of weird." every time i think i'd like to be a teacher, i come close to the kind of people i'd have to work with, and i realize i want them to be as far away from me as possible.
derby derby derby! this saturday, our season opener.

ha, can't hand that one back!!

2008-03-29T00:59:00.002-05:00

at about 8pm today, while i was working on photos and stuff at my computer, i just got the urge to get up and go lay down on my bed. i don't really even remember doing it, but that's what must have happened. and i fell asleep face down on my bed. for an hour. and then i got up and got under the covers and slept for another hour. then i got up and fixed myself something to eat and read bike snob nyc for an hour and a half. i was supposed to be working like mad to get photos together for my website, and and i just slept and read blogs. the only way i could be more disappointed with myself is if i got caught in the vice dos&donts. i hate that magazine. so now it's 1am, and i'm wondering where my friday went.
short.
sentences.

it's cold

2008-03-28T00:56:00.003-05:00

"nebraska... nebraska... i know it's around here somewhere."

today was cold once again, though not as cold as it was 6 weeks ago, or 3 weeks ago for that matter.
i have decided that it's embarrassing to have your friends try to set you up with people. especially if the person they're trying to set you up with is already your friend.

spam-o-rama

2008-03-27T11:01:00.002-05:00

Subject: [SPAM: ] I wanted to make someone else jealous.
Body: Produce non-stop, rock hard erections that last all night long. http://skysohsighh.com/

adam 2000 and i have a... i guess you'd call it a hobby, of sending our best spam back and forth to each other with our own hilarious comments at the top. but no, you don't get to see them because they're just too hilarious for the internet. only intra-office email can handle this kind of hilarious. but seriously, i think our world would be alot better if there were less rock hard erections, we don't need products to make more. rock hard erections occur at opportune moments as when your girlfriend picks up a penny, a girl jogs by, a waitress asks if you'd like a cherry muffin, when you have to go complete a math problem at the board, and if you're gay, all of that but with dudes. if you need more boner time in your life, like as in there is a spare moment when you just can't conjure up a boner, you just might have too much time on your hands.

2008-03-16T19:40:00.005-05:00

did you know that meatballs the movie has aliens in it? it was on tv today, and i'd never seen it before... it was one of those movies i'd look at in the video store, wishing my mom would rent it someday, but she never did. another movie that i looked at alot, was one that had two grown men dressed like babies being held in the arms of a gigantic woman who had gigantic breasts, even for her size. the two men, as you can imagine, were overjoyed at the prospect of... nursing? i never knew, but trying to imagine what these two men were so excited about kept me coming back and putting my thinking cap on. my mom wouldn't rent this movie either.
more photos from the depths. brad, when we house-sat for eli and naomi over thanksgiving in 2006.

"a puppy is not a motorcycle"

2008-03-07T00:11:00.003-06:00

adam2000 said this at work today. i spend too much time at work, and it's cuz i'm too honest. i tried to explain it to nolan, like this: if i check my myspace, i don't count it in my hours (we keep track of our own hours). same as when i take a lunch or answer my own emails, i subtract it from my hours. since it's my own time, and i don't feel guilty about wasting my boss' money, i do as i please, and next thing you know i've talked to my mom for a half hour and worked on derby stuff for an hour. bla. and i come home and work on derby stuff or my own business stuff, and then it's time to sleep and all the interaction i've had with people is at work or derby, and next thing you know i'm a boring person...

i'm feeling melancholy right now, it's pretty boring. i have all these important things to do, and i'm not really doing them. i'm having trouble staying focused. i'm listening to kzum, and the guy said it's a snow storm outside. what! i just got home, and there was no snow... but sure enough in these few hours the snow started falling, and now it's back to winter time. i knew i should have taken the bike today, but i'm afraid of the cold. one day it was like 10 degrees out, but it was the first day in a while with minimal ice on the ground, so i HAD to ride my bike to work. and when i got to work, i was so cold that i was nauseous for half the day. it sucked, and now i don't want to ride unless it's above freezing when i start out. because no matter what, it might be nice when you start out, but then by the time you get ready to go home it's dark and waaaay colder. and i'm scared to ride on solid ice, i already know i'll just wipe out. so i drive, and i hate driving. some of my friends ride all winter long, even when it's dark and waaaaay cold. i became too much of a bay area girl to do that anymore. wonder when i'll be a nebraska girl again, totally fine with the winter being as long as it is.
i'm getting closer and closer to buying a house, i can almost taste it! my goal is to have one in time to plant a garden. can't wait!!
here's the poster i made for the derby battle of the bands, nolan said it looks like porn.

get here faster summer!!

siiiiick

2008-02-23T23:45:00.002-06:00

i am obsessively checking my temperature since i got a thermometer today, it's been hovering between 100 and 101.
no, i am not finished with this blog, i have just been occupied since the new year with frivolous pursuits.
i am soooo ready to get out of bed and not have a pounding headache, i've been stuck here for the last 2 days, it sucks.

happy 200th post!

2008-01-01T22:40:00.001-06:00

and have a great 2008!
much love,
t

things to look forward to in daters, not haters for 2008 and posts 201&up:
all the derby photos i haven't shown anyone WILL be posted!
a "year in review" by me, when i cut the crap out of the one i've already made.
more exciting updates about my life, as they happen! or soon after.
more photos, more jokes, more tears.
stay tuned!!

a debate!

2007-12-30T15:31:00.000-06:00

i love it. a long time ago, taka, molly and i went to see dave navaro at the independent. it was awesome(ly bad) . and it was so much fun. i took a short video of him playing, like 5 seconds, and posted it on you tube and it has sparked quite a debate in the comments section, check it out .

and by the way, this is the most viewed video on my youtube channel, with over 11,000 views. a pudding wrestling video comes in at second place with 7,000 views. the parakeet video trails at a distant third, with not quite 3,000 views.

2007-12-29T11:41:00.000-06:00

yesterday at work, the boss was away all day long. strangely, he was not answering his emails, and we speculated on what he does at home all day. i got up out of my faux-ergonomic chair and demonstrated what i imagine he does on a day of hookey, "he smokes cigars in his boxer shorts, and walks around conducting a philadelphia brass cd."

2007-12-26T17:37:00.000-06:00

a year ago i was shitting my pants on venice beach, (didn't i tell you that?) on my magical swedish christmas date with rickard and his friends. i had food poisoning OK!! we left the egg nog out all night and drank it the next afternoon, but i was the only one who got sick. i didn't want to tell anyone about it, and it suuucked. i left my swedish meatball a few days later when i moved back to ne, but he's still cute as ever and having a great christmas. merry christmas rickard!!
and merry christmas everyone, i hope you had as great of a christmas as i have- great family, good friends, good food, plenty of booze, cute boys, and of course great presents.

2007-12-10T11:45:00.000-06:00

2007-12-07T16:23:00.000-06:00

x-mas in frisko
to remind you that x-mas is about 2 1/2 weeks away. how did this happen?? since when did time pass without me giving it permission? i have about 2 1/2 presents so far, uh oh. the odds aren't with me on this one...

boz in morning.

2007-12-03T09:51:00.000-06:00

boz crashes on the couch outside my room over here at lizzy and adam 2000's house. and then i wake him up in the morning with my cooking and coffee making, which he usually begs for. not because it's good, because he's hung over and anything is good. god bless these men, who love whatever you cook.

2007-11-11T11:16:00.000-06:00

i went to art school for photography, and it was great. i met so many amazing photographers, in and out of school. and i try to keep up with what everyone is doing, and sometimes it's really inspiring, and sometimes it's depressing. it makes me wonder about what i'm doing now, i haven't taken a photo for myself for months. i have photo jobs, which is the best thing in the world and my goal to be able to support myself with my camera, but it's not the same. it makes me sad. winter is coming up, it's pretty much dark at 5pm, and it's going to get cold soon. and this would seem to be the worst possible time and place to make work, but i'm going to cross my fingers no. i've been working on a body of workfor the past year, night photos about trees and light and stars and etc, and i would like to keep working on it. no, i need to keep working on it. so here's to goals.
these photos were taken in menlo park about a year ago.

2007-11-07T01:00:00.000-06:00

the derby programs are finally finished. not printed, cuz that's not my responsibility thank goodness. but they're laid out and lookin good, and now i can get some rest.
sometimes i lay in bed and think about all the things i have to do, and it sucks. i wonder why i didn't take the baby steps that make up the larger steps that get me closer to my goals, the baby steps that i set out to take for that day, and it makes me feel terrible. i like to make up different slogans to help me with things, motivation is a big one. staying cheerful is another. unless you're in my family, i probably don't talk to you when i'm cranky, and so you would have NO IDEA that i'm not my usual wonderful self ALL THE TIME! i know, it's hard to believe.
on monday at derby practice, i took a momentous hit when i was jamming. like, flying through the air sideways and then landing on the shoulders. but my fingers came first, and now my middle left finger is a monsterous purple sausage. i have to ice it all day and it's difficult to type.
tasha's b-day party was grrreat last weekend, at the after party at her house we danced and danced. i got to pull out all the sweet moves i practice by myself and even learned some new ones... conrad showed me how to salsa! well, he tried. i'd be trying so hard to do the steps, and then he'd be like, "NO! NO SAN FRAN!" i'm not sure what he means by that, i don't think my booty moves are a sf thing. he thinks tons of stuff i do or say that he's never heard about are san fran things. oh that connie. so no rump shakin' in salsa. or something... earlier when it was a bunch of derby girls dancing together, there was some nerd that no one knew trying to get in on the action. we just kept shutting him out, and he finally went over to conrad and said, like, dude to dude, "these o'rourkes girls, they dance like that but they don't put out. they're just a bunch of teases." !!! i know! what an idiot! but i forget that's the message guys get when there's booty dancing going on, they see it as a direct invitation to hump. i guess that's the point of booty dancing most of the time. but really sometimes you're just having fun.
my finger really hurts now, from all this typing.
these photos were taken with my holga on the awesome camping trip i went on with my mom last summer.

tari & mandy's halloween party

2007-11-04T20:41:00.000-06:00

tons more HALLOWEEN PHOTOS here!

2007-10-22T00:49:00.001-05:00

i just watched a video of a porcupine eating a banana, it was sooo cute. then i watched a video of a cat curled up in a toilet. i think it's ok for me to go to bed now.
the videos calmed me.

my favorite jeans are called stretch pants

2007-10-17T23:24:00.000-05:00

a short review of the mall:

gateway is the only mall for me, don't give me no southpointe and i won't call it westfield or whatevs. i remember gateway when it was named gateway and had astroturf down the slanty parts. so i had to go to gateway earlier this week, and this is what i thought.

panic- yes, you're going to feel panic at the mall, cuz you get lost. it also bring back thoughts about shopping for christmas and buying things for people that you know they won't like and you're throwing your money away, but it's december 23rd and time to just buy some shit so you don't come up with a diary from claire's and a coupon that says, "good for one free lunch on me!". coupons are great.

tiredness- the mall tiredness is like casino tiredness, you want to go home but can't find your way out, and plus there could be the greatest thing you need if you just go into the next store. this is real tiredness that will stay with you for 24 hours, don't disregard it.

hot topic- it's a terrible store. i'd rather shop at jones & company nyc or whatever it's called. it's everything that is wrong with teenagers for all time, with a price tag. you want to be bad? you want a shirt that says, "i'm not crazy, don't listen to the voices in my top hat"? you want to be a rebel but still want to fit in with a bunch of future losers? step right up to hot topic.

the food court- it's a great place to eat. and while you're sitting by yourself eating a runza, you can pretend you're not an internet predator looking for some underage tail. even then, it's a great place to eat and relax.

harry and steve's- a shitty place to shop. if you plan on giving jobs to mongolian children, go to old navy where the clothes are at least good.

caca nails- it's actually CA (california) nails, but they put it in the window twice with no space between the two abbreviations, i can't help but think of it as caca. i've never had my nails done professionally, so i wouldn't know about caca nails.

there's a shitty art photography studio that has photos of a horse that looks like it has two heads, and aerial views of memorial stadium. and the candle store. and the store that has a wax butler out front. i don't know how i feel about these stores. like caca nails, i've never been a customer. ok, i guess i hate the art photography store.

so i'm walking around the mall, trying to decide how i should remember how to get out of the mall. go back to the food court and go towards aldo keeping jc penny on your right, or go to the proactive booth and make a beeline for caca nails... feeling the panic and tiredness, when i remember wet seal. lord i forgot! and charlotte russe! yess! as far as i'm concerned, these are the best places in the mall to shop. these are the stores i'm sure that destiny's child shops at, so therefore it's good enough for me. and guess what i found at wet seal? the same kind of jeans i bought in may, but they haven't got them in again until now. and i found the last pair in my size!! success! the denim is sooo stretchy, allowing previously unheard of amounts of tightness with amazing amounts of comfort. i think they're actually called leggings. awesome. so i got them.

in conclusion, the mall kind of sucks, but you can find some things there. you can eat, and sit around, and look at teenagers and see what the popular styles are so you can avoid them.

that's a wrap.

speaking of art photography, that anne geddes bee baby pic i have up really harshes my mellow. everytime i see it, i get a little angry.

happy birthday molly!

good luck hood rats and girls going to minneapolis! kick some butt!

2007-10-16T23:52:00.000-05:00

when i was downtown today going to the bank and stuff for work, i saw two reporter ladies walking down the street with a camera and stuff. i thought the blonde one was kate ellington from 10/11 who did a spot about the mad maxines (video to come later) that i was in, and so i smiled at her but it wasn't her. it was some other blonde lady and her and her partner asked to interview me for the news. i said yes, and they told me i was to give my opinion about steve pederson getting dismissed from doing something with unl football and tom osborne getting that job. and i'm all confused because i don't know who this guy is or what happened to him or what his job was, but they want me to say something really bad, and keep on simplifying the situation so i could make a comment. finally i'm like, "i'm sorry, i don't know who scott peterson is, i don't really know about football." and they laugh and say, "ok, you could just give your opinion on TOM OSBORNE then." but i don't have an opinion on tom osborne, and i tell them they should do a story about roller derby. i apologize to them, but say i would give a really bad interview, and say goodbye.
when i got back to work, i told everyone the story, wishing i would have just pulled something out of the air to say about football and the husker legacy and lessons and all sorts of things, when nolan told me the dude's name is steve pederson and not scott peterson. ha. and way back when, i didn't know who scott peterson is either.

favorite saying of our derby announcer...

2007-10-10T23:51:00.000-05:00

"that's gonna hurt tomorrow!"

lizzy's bruise.
you don't know the half of it buddy.

2007-10-09T17:18:00.000-05:00

warning: this is a serious quote, taken verbatim from a blog i looked at just now. i repeat, this is a serious quote with no hint of sarcasm.

"We shared our tattoo ideas, and his was the Chinese character for love on his back. Darren and Bronwen are the some of the few people I can talk openly with about love. We’re such hopeless romantics."

and it's a dude writing it.

2007-10-09T16:30:00.000-05:00

the last few days have been real crappy.
and then, the least of all worries, the girl at the coffee shop has no idea what the word "steeping" means in regards to tea. huh?
conrad loaned me a book last night, rain of gold, before we went to that funny little amigos on 27th and capital parkway. i've never been there before, there's only outside seating and a GIANT billboard directly above you that you never noticed before and now is larger than life. we ate cheeseburgers and fries, and vowed to never eat cheeseburgers and fries again. i read my book and went to bed, thinking "tomorrow will be better, a new day and all that." nope.

2007-10-01T13:45:00.000-05:00

check out my awesome new handlebars, conrad set me up over the weekend with a little bit o'this and o'that, making it ride like a whole different bike!

in case you didn't know, i spend about 80% of my day posing and lounging on my bike.

2007-09-26T19:20:00.000-05:00

another thank you to mr. miguel, my personal work is up too now. click here!

2007-09-26T09:05:00.000-05:00

this is from a shoot i did with a friend's little girl a few days ago. she is THE cutest thing, with white-blonde hair that flips up on the sides in a huge swoop. there are actual start-to-cry-cuz-she's-so-cute photos of her, but this ain't no anne geddes.

big news in tauraland, finally have my website up! one bizillion thanks go to miguel for his tireless work to get it up, all that pointing and clicking and cutting and pasting made my head spin. if you for some reason go to taurahorn.com, please keep in mind that it's just WEDDING photographs, and old ones at that. don't judge me.

quote

2007-09-18T21:56:00.001-05:00

from the blog teen drama, where they were describing people at the roller rink:

For every half-dozen i-bankers with their ties tucked into their button downs, there's a dude in a mesh top making love to a giant lollipop.

2007-08-30T00:28:00.000-05:00

today at work i was proofing a grant for someone, and i came across these letters:
"f"
"i"
"v"
"e"
lined up, and i said the word in my mind and the number came to me, and i almost moved on to the next word, but something didn't seem right. i looked back at the letters, and they didn't make sense, and i just kept staring at the letters put together and wondered what they meant. then i started telling myself that it's "5", but it just didn't look like it. and i had a hard time convincing myself that those letters equal "5". i tried to forget about it, and just kept on reading.

it reminds me of when i was little and would pick a word like "couch" and say it over and over until it was just a sound. then i'd keep saying it and try to remember what it meant, and when it came back to me, i'd marvel at how a strange sound could also be an object. how our representation of something could become so separated from not only it's meaning, but unattached to the object.

after my grandpa willard had a stroke, we visited him at the hospital in scottsbluff. he'd lay in bed and be half asleep and sometimes say something random. i was 15 or 16, looking for meaning in everything and would create tragically beautiful stories around his comments, springing from the well of his secret past where handwritten letters were like gold, bread was baked not bought, and things were classy and romantic - when grandpa was most likely talking about lunch time. "to be in his mind," i thought, "with all those secrets." the images in my mind were as disconnected from his life as the the word "shoe" and a shoe had become in his.

cass n' gina

2007-08-27T12:10:00.000-05:00

got married!
cass wanted a robot cake with a flashing light on top.

ellie and i went to highschool with cass. he was a senior when we were sophmores, and so all those boys in his class we were friends with, called us "LGs" - for "little girls".

conrad and i matched, and it wasn't an accident. it is the result of meticulous shopping and color comparison. i hope you can tell that my belt and his tie are the exact same color of red, no other red would do. this is sort of my dream, boys, take note...

and here they go, off to munich!

congrats!

derby down the river...

2007-08-15T20:50:00.000-05:00

a month ago or so, the ncdg all went up to valentine to camp and go tubing down the niobrara. it was so awesome, even despite the drama.

i wish i was there now, floating on down with good people, drinking beers and making fun of all the boys on the side of the river. they waited in droves, these teenage to young 20something boys, waiting for girls to float on by in their bikinis. and they'd whoop and holler and try to get them to pull over and party with them. the little floatilla i was in, me, my sister molly, silvia bullet and shiv, floated on by one group of dudes who must not of been having much luck, and about 4 or 5 of them were standing in the middle of the river. so when we get close, they start cheering and telling us how pretty we are and how much they want to know us, and we just laughed and said hi and no we don't want to get to know them, bye. and one guy got crazy and did a backflip onto our cooler in the middle of our floatilla,(a floatilla is a group of tubes attached together.) and he's kicking around and spilling beer and all his buddies are cheering him on and we push him off. then, all his dudes are like, "yeah! take that girls! haaaa!" and high fiving like someone made a good point, and we look and see that it's not only the 4 or so dudes in the water, there's a dozen more up on the banks standing in a row looking down at us. it's too funny not to say anything, so we say, "i'm not surprized it's just you dudes up there!" "yeah, where's all the girls? you're just a bunch of dudes hanging out together!" and then they get this confused look on their faces and start to look around them like they were gonna see a bunch of chicks with them. but there were no chicks, just 20 dudes drinking beer in their underwear together, having a great time. and they seemed so disappointed that they went from cool dudes partying on the niobrara to a slippery wet homo-fest in the blink of an eye, that we couldn't help but keep it going. "gonna have a little sword fight tonight?" "have fun with your circle jerk, boys!" "bye! sleep tight in your little tents!" and the boys started booing us as we floated away, with one who pulled his shorts down and shook his paperwhite ass at us, totally proving us wrong. i had the worrrrrst sun burn ever, but i'd do it again.

more photos can be seen here

2007-08-14T23:56:00.000-05:00

this is from dwight nebraska, they like america and god.

2007-08-13T23:02:00.000-05:00

went back to fortune palace with big c and he let me order anything i wanted-ladies, take note, even pop! and once again we saw this amazing poster which brought back memories. last time we were here, a little 7 or 8 year old black kid with an all white family had some valuable advice:
"if you ever go to china and see one of those guys walking around," he points to a poster on the wall "DON'T follow him!"
as we remembered this the second time, reliving details like the fat all white family, big c (he wants me to call him that) and i both remembered this, at the same time:

"DON'T follow him."

2007-08-06T23:00:00.000-05:00

on a lighter note...
my parents are road tripping the summer away, and keep extending their vacation. in their old age they'll get a van and turn into hippies again and talk about how beautiful insects are. i can barely wait! you look at your parents and see how your life could be, those two people you're made from, and it can be both scary and inspiring. and you hope you have the same kind of positive qualities that they have, and hope to learn from the pitfalls that they've encountered. and it's awesome to see your parents grow and change and still manage to have fun, and i just kind of breathe a sigh of relief and know that life isn't a death sentence. profound! nolan has this really bad idea of growing old, he says old people are "smiling shadows of death" or something like that. and i'm all like, "nuh uh nolan, that's not going to be me when i get old! i'm going to have long white hair that i keep up in a bun, and i'll wear elegant tunics. i'll have a garden and lots of cats and art openings and either a husband or boyfriend at my side! i'll be all old and wise and drink tea and have my grandkids over all the time. it'll be great." nolan's going to write my eulogy, and he's going to call me a community treasure. i don't know if i'll have money or not, but i will have an old rv and travel around and take photos and write alot. maybe i'll start to paint and swim laps every morning. i'll live out in the country in an underground house, or a haybale house, and have a cockatiel that all the cats want to eat. what can get better than that? nada. the other day i was in iron brush visiting with tyson, and he got a wild hair and decided to draw a really mean picture of me in the future. i had a skull head and no teeth, with wild unkempt hair. he was saying that i'll be addicted to pills and smell like cat pee, and kept referring to the future taura as a "gummer". i didn't like that prediction at all, but could imagine growing up with a different set of circumstances in my life, i could end up there. so, uh, thanks mom and dad for raising me to not be an old drug addled gummer. who likes cats.
speaking of cats, guess who likes me now? bendi. yes, the fat cat my sister molly calls "the most beautiful cat in the whole wide world" and "gorgeous". the cat who my dad rescued when he found her as a stray kitten in the front yard with puncture wounds all over her body, who hisses at me when i walk by. i should say, USED to hiss at me when i walked by, cuz now i'm her best friend. do you know why? because bendi has figured out that i am god, the center of the universe, the giver of life, the bringer of...KITTY FOOOOOOOOD. it's a miraculous transformation, you can only imagine it if you didn't know what an awful cat she was previously. heck, i think i'll go pet her right now.

2007-08-05T18:21:00.001-05:00

today is sunday.
tasha and i went to the funeral for mary and adam's baby. i know mary through tasha when they were best friends in highschool and played in g.i. jill together, she's a strong girl. i know they'll get through it together, and my heart goes out to them during this time.
not very many non-travel team skaters are showing up anymore to practice, which sucks cuz the mad maxines (the travel team) have room for alternates and some of the best girls who could be up for the spots, aren't shownig up. and the mad maxines want to skate as a team and work on their strategy against the "left overs", the girls in the league who did not make the travel team. REAL fun. lots of pile-ups and injuries, girls are dropping out like flies. not enough people for a good rotation, so you just play and play and play and only get to sit out once before you're back in. i'm all wobbly on my skates, i'm blaming it on the 2 month break we took where i didn't practice at all, so i'm an easy target for all the girls to take out. tasha hurt her knee today, she's the shortest one in the league right now. i'm not very tall either, and not especially bulky or muscular, when i skate low, my eye level is below some girls' ass level. that's tough. tasha and i were talking about how it would be to skate against girls who were at our ass level, how much nicer it would be to tower over skaters instead of seeing a brick wall of ass in front of you the whole time. but then you see girls who are kick ass jammers and blockers who are about as big as a pencil. so your size only means so much. ahhh... tonight i was jamming and had got through the pack and one of the girls came up behind me and grabbed my hips and threw me down. total major foul. she went to the penalty box, which sucks for her team, but then i'm on the ground and have to fight my way back through the pack again, making the longest two minutes of my life even longer. you'll never know how long 120 seconds are until you have to jam.
someone sent me a cd yesterday, with only one song on it. i've listened to it about 86 times. "i was told that you have a hole in your heart, but it's no longer shaped like me". when i drove home from today's awesome practice listening to that song, i just about lost it.
oh, i don't know, everything's fine. i don't know why i'm being all depressing. but when you get knocked down over and over and your sister hurts her knee and then you start thinking about a little baby who died, you can't help but want to cry.

2007-07-31T23:55:00.000-05:00

there were periods of time in sf where i was really lonely.
like get on the bus and ride until night-time because there's no one. no one looking for you, no one calling for you, no one wondering where you are. even though i was going to school and had friends everywhere, it was like this secret i had to keep that i was so alone. i'd get on the first bus that came, and then ride it until it came back, or i could get on another bus, or it took me to a place that i liked. my favorite spot was sutro baths, at the end of geary st. i'd walk around for hours taking photos and eating m&m's or drinking sparks (...depended on what kind of day it was.) i could pretend i had a purpose for being there besides that i had no purpose. but it was so beautiful, and would take your breath away, and then pretending it wasn't pathetic. one day i decided to walk from sutro baths to the zoo, that was a long walk. i started walking, and it doesn't look very far on the map, but then you realize there's no place to stop to get a pop, and you keep walking. and then you're tired but there's no bus stops and no nothing, and it starts to get desperate and by the time you get to the zoo you're about ready to collapse. but you still have to find the trolley, and then wait, and then get off at the bus stop, and then wait, get on the bus, and then walk home and not get raped. by the time you get home you feel like you've been through alot, and get to sleep easier, and not sit up cyber stalking someone or worrying about the future.
it's strange to think about that feeling, pushing yourself and hoping to get lost. it's like you always wonder if you've come out the other side of the tunnel and don't want to feel like that anymore. you kind of hope so, that you don't want to keep on feeling like that for the rest of your life. but at the same time it's so sad and sweet that you can't imagine leaving. hoping to get lost so then you have a new chance at finding yourself.

is there really any question as to why i won the bad poetry contest? i didn't think so.

2007-07-30T22:09:00.000-05:00

my parents are away on vacation-i'm not really sure where, they just drove off and said take care of the dog and cat please. maybe colorado. so i'm watching the dog and cat and making sure they have food and water, to help me do this job, my mom left the fridge full of food. do you like pickled beets? me too! they grew in the garden and my mom fixed them up good, there's more food from her garden than i can even start to eat. i have a huge bowl of cucumber salad that i made from cukes in the garden, it's a perfect summer food. cucumbers, tons of salt, tomatos, onions, dill, pepper and lots of sour cream. deeeelicious. they have the good liquor too, though i haven't drank any...yet. things have been all topsy turvy in my mind these last few weeks, stressed out and freaking out about everything. going nuts. i'm treating this like a retreat, this housesitting. my mom and dads house is nice and clean and full of food and everything just right. the bike path is right by here, so i have a nice little bike ride to work in the morning. i can sleep in a nice big bed and shower in a nice big shower, feed the cat who hates me while i'm going pee, put the tv on timer and fall asleep. mom has a sweet set up to scan negatives, tonight i'm just going to just sit here, eat pickled beets, listen to old time radio, and scan negatives until i'm tired. taking some time out for number one, you know? take a chill pill and sort things out.

this is a photo from last winter, one of the negatives i've scanned thus far. i was kind of broke when i got them developed, plus i had alot to process, so i sent them to a dirt cheap place in kansas. and aww geez, i think there was about 3oz of chemicals in their processor, their processor that has octagonal rollers and rocks. it never pays in the end to be thrifty on things like this.

yellow!

2007-07-25T19:12:00.000-05:00

oh sweet jesus, thank you for letting my printer print yellow once again.
i have an epson 2200, old timey as far as printers go, that i use to print out my photos. it's good quality, it's mine, it works. well, most of the time. so last night i about had a freak out when the yellow nozzle was clogged and no matter what i did, it would not unclog. and i have 4 important things to be printing out right now, and then my printer poops out. today was steeped in eau d'bad attitude, mine. i was about to throw in the towel and lay in bed and mope and feel sorry for myself, but i kept messing with the printer and with some homestyle trickery, i fixed it! it now prints out a big beautiful bar of yellow whenever i want it to. i don't know what to say.
this is me as a simpson avatar, not very interesting. i tried to make my gold flats i'm into right now, but it was hard. i just had to make do with the choices i had. but it's still cool. you know those zwinky characters? i tried to do it once, but my computer was too slow. i'm almost scared to do it cuz what if i make a really cool character, and then i'm like, awww, why don't i really do things like that? it's like when the guidance counselor asks you what you'd do if you had a billion dollars and didn't have to work, and then that's what you should do for a job. even though my simpson's avatar has ho-hum hair, i am quite happy with mine right now. i got a perm about a month ago, and have been loving it. i love to make it big big big. i'd been talking about getting a perm again for the last year, a'la 4th through 9th grade taura, and then i finally did it. so that's why as a simpson i have curly hair, if you haven't seen me in a month.

ooo, and i'm yellow too!

2007-07-24T00:33:00.001-05:00

yes, break time is over, and i'm back on skates once again. feels sooooo good! a bunch of people showed up to practice tonight, it was nice to see the girls skating and sweaty and not all cute like when i see them out and about at night. not that we're not cute when we practice, but you know. i like skating. we have some good new recruits, hope they stay with us. stay with us girls!
this is from when gang green went up to sioux falls and played against the sioux falls roller dollz.

happy 2nd birthday no coast!

2007-07-23T14:37:00.000-05:00

ahhh, break time is over, now we're going to get our asses kicked as practice for the travel team has started up again. sat night was our b-day party at duffy's, lizzy made this awesome cake specially for the event. people brought good food and we got a bunch of drink tickets, and then we danced to the sweet tunes of the zebra team. i took a bite out of my rose and- oh the roses! we had this thing where there was a rose for every person including refs and when you drew a rose you had to say something nice about that person. i DID NOT want to do this, as i was afraid that i'd get someone and then blank on what they're good at. so later that night after a few drink tickets, i took a bite out of my rose, jackie peer pressured me to, and i hoped no one saw or else they'd think i can be convinced to put anything into my mouth. but it was beautiful, a perfect cross section of a rose in the shape of a bite. i tried to take a photo of it, but it didn't look as cool as it really was, and then it disappeared. i must do this again and get a good photo. i could get into stock photography with this kind of stuff. a rose with a bite out of it in a wine bottle, a rose with a bite out of it backlit, a rose with a bite out of it on glass, concrete, next to a regular rose. so poetic. but i like that kind of stuff, i'm a sensitive person and in my old age am able to appreciate things like picnics, inspirational sayings (only if i make them up tho), rainbows and baby animals. but, being sensitive, i feel all sorts of other things more than other people (i think...), things like dirty looks, unreturned phone calls, thoughtless words, someone's raging anger problems. i make a concious effort to turn those vibes away. and i do a pretty good job too. and the party was fun, i ate alot, i danced, and someone was proposed to and we all cried. cuz we're such sensitive derby girls.
my friend conrad has something about me on his blog, cars-r-coffins, it's all about bikes and riding your bike, taking a bike ride, looking at other people's bikes, thinking about your different bikes, fixing up a bike, cool bikes, awesome bikes, expensive bikes, bikes with character, the new bike, the old bike, when your bike breaks, bike parts, the things you see when you ride your bike, the things you do with your friends when you ride your bike, who he saw when he rides his bike, the roads you ride your bike on, what your bike looks like in different spots you hang out... i could go on, but he'll probably want to kill me for making a painfully accurate list. he likes his bikes, you know?

mil horas

2007-07-21T02:51:00.000-05:00

this is the song i've been listening to, and now i'll never hear it the same after watching this video. amazing.
warning: it will stick with you.

look ellie!

2007-07-19T00:02:00.000-05:00

tina! mini dog! itty bitty! god she's so cute i couldn't decide which photo to put up first.

she is like a little stuffed animal, a perverted little stuffed animal who goes straight to my laundry basket for the underpants. maybe she's a lesbipuppy.

good luck molly and jordan!

2007-07-17T17:16:00.000-05:00

this morning my sister molly and her friend jordan left to europa for 5 weeks, i'm soooo jealous. they're going to go to greece too, take that and pump up the jealousy. for a long time, i dreamed about that crappy little island i was on, dreamed about my cave and the mountain from an bird's perspective...

2007-07-16T17:35:00.000-05:00

last night i think i heard the best quote ever from this little boy sitting near us in the chinese restaurant.
"if you ever go to china and see one of those guys walking around," he points to a poster on the wall "DON'T follow him!"
tasha has me hooked on that dumb song, "mil horas". she got hooked on it when she was down in uruguay, and so last night it's 3:30am and i'm dancing like crazy in front of the mirror figuring out the best moves for certain parts.
this is a pic i took a long time ago at golden gate fields, the horse track in east bay.

2007-07-15T10:40:00.000-05:00

can't wait to start scanning these.

o'riggidys

2007-07-15T10:17:00.000-05:00

at o'rourkes one night last month.

roses

2007-07-15T02:24:00.000-05:00

remember me talking about the big bump in my finger where i got poked by a rose thorn? how it had gotten all big and swollen really quick and i thought it was bursitis(??) and i wanted pam to do surgery on it? well, it's getting better. one night i got a glass full of ice and a fresh scalpel blade out (real ones), and iced my finger and then put the blade in to see if anything would come out of the bump. i know, it's gross, but i had to do it. i went down into the lump, but nothing but blood came out. i put a band aid on it, and hoped it would go away or something. the next day at work i was messing with it, and ok, this may be gross, but i was messing with it and a bunch of blood came out, and then part of a rose thorn came out of the hole!! wow, that was pretty good. so now it's getting better. what i'm guessing is a fibrous mass is getting smaller, and it's not painful anymore. i would like to make this into an analogy for something in my life right now, but it's difficult without saying too much about the sitch, or turning the rose thorn story into something different.
tonight i saw "la vie en rose" with a friend, it was great. i recommend it.
how can i be such a lazy bastard about things like my website, and on the other hand an inpatient spazoid when it comes to more sublte and sensitive matters? lord. messing with that finger, slicing it up just to see what's inside. please stop me before i screw something up.

yay!!!

2007-07-12T22:46:00.000-05:00

i just got about 20 rolls of 220 film back with prints, it's so exciting. now i have the delightful job of going through the negs, then scanning and working with the images. it just never stops. photos photos photos. i'll put up some photos of my old friends from sf, some landscapes from nebraska, and night photos that i've been working on. this is from menlo park, where my friend naomi is going to grad school.

ncdg at the races!!!

2007-07-10T01:06:00.000-05:00

the no coast derby girls sponsored a race out at the track not long ago, it ruled. check out more pics here!

happy monday

2007-06-25T08:42:00.000-05:00

ouch. this morning hurts.
but last weekend rocked!
it's a trade off.
air guitar contest!! at the chopper rally at the fairgrounds over the weekend. no coast derby girls did some promo there, so a bunch of girls went.
i got second place, and (drum roll) won guitar hero 2 and $28 from scratcher tickets.

and this was my competition: tough!!

this is me congratulating the first and third place winners, trying to be a good sport.

we were there to do a dunk booth, here's april being nice to people. i was not.

last night we had a derby-q for go go yesterday, so i started celebrating early. then we all went to 80's night where josh was djing, and he refused to play big butts because it was 90's. there, i got realllllly drunk and am lucky enough to have bits of the night preserved. gems like giving some dude the ultimatum "if you don't get on the dance floor, you can never hit on me again." (huh?) and talking to the miller girls from the chopper rally about the air guitar contest and hugging them, and doing a dance move OFF the stage that ended badly and now the left leg is paying for it. and i think i bought a pack of KOOLS on the ride home, i'm not sure though. ugh. why?

awww

2007-06-20T23:20:00.000-05:00

shizzam, pam got drunk!
her mom and dad left a mudslide on the table, and little pammy got up on the table, put her nose in the glass, and drank until she was all wobbly. the three of us (adam, lizzy and i) were elsewheres when this occurred, and lizzy was feeling terrible in her new role as a bad mom. but i must say, it was pretty funny to watch the pam be stumblable, though she looked like shit. we tried to make her drink water, but baby will be hung over. i know how you feel pam.
last week at my grandma edna's, i was doing something in the garden for her, and jammed a rose thorn into my finger. it was all swollen and nar nar for a bit, but now it's just turned into a hard ball at the joint. what could it be? bursitis was my first very uncorrect guess, i better not get any more curious about it or else i'll let pam take my scalpel to it. just to see what's inside and say a dog did surgery on me. time to go to bed i guess.
ps-this is not a photo of us trying to sober pammy up, this is bath-time.

tonight's the night.

2007-06-19T22:27:00.000-05:00

i know it, i just totally know it. after thinking about it my whole camping trip, it's gonna happen tonight. i'm going to put my computer to sleep, stop looking at dax flame videos, maybe turn on some soft music and lay in bed and do it. i'm going to finish that book if i have to stay up all night, the name of the rose. and monitor whatever i just put in the oven, garlic. good night.

back

2007-06-17T23:44:00.000-05:00

to civilization, wireless, etc... last night i had a dream where i was talking to a bunch of people and i said, "and i haven't checked my myspace in NINE days!" i've been camping.
people were mad at my mom and i for not having our phones on, but there really wasn't any service where we were. so i didn't check my myspace, my email, or my voicmail for 11 days, and i'm not looking forward to it. but the trip was great, we took tons of photos that will keep me busy for a long time. now i have the post vacay blues. now i can worry about mail merge at work again.

2007-06-04T23:47:00.000-05:00

adam and lizzy had a special visitor today, a vacuum cleaner salesman! guess how much that thing costs? almost three thousand dollars! and when they said they weren't going to get one, on ANY of payment plans he suggested, he had to call his boss. and he's talking with his boss on his cell phone going, "i know, i know, i guess i'll ask them! so you think $2650 is too much to pay for your HEALTH?" and "wouldn't you like to get rid of all the FILTH in your house?". dude would not leave. then adam's poker buddies started to come over, and adam and lizzy are like, "well thank you for the demonstration, but we have guests coming over now, so uh, sorry." and he goes, "no, no, that's fine, it's your house." and i almost expected him to say, "FULL OF FILTH." i can't imagine a more depressing job, maybe pulling silk out of a silk worm like all those orphaned children, or having to do that poop gland thing that dog groomers of little dogs have to do. ugh, those two jobs are nastily similar.
adam, after i took some glamour shots of him, now he's thinking about buying a $3000 vacuum. laughing.

taura taura, how does your garden grow?
my bean plants popping up.

my little pepper plants that i started from seed, with some unenthusiastic basil plants next to them. grow dangit.

protection for the plants from the animals. i miss yuri. bark yuri bark!

the purple plant i brought with me from sf, it had 3 little blossoms. it's doing great, just like me.

the peonies, which got hit by the frost and never bloomed.

my dad in the studio space that i'm getting downtown. it's the back corner one with the big windows facing north and east, a little out of the way, but it will do just fine. i can meet clients there, shoot, work on my stuff, chill, etc, it's gonna be AWESOME when things get rolling. can't wait.

my mom and dad had a garage sale last saturday, on friday night i sorted and priced things with my mom. by the end of the garage sale the next afternoon we were drinking beer, playing records, and pretending to know how to ballroom dance in the rain.

i'm going to be aunt taura!

2007-05-31T21:53:00.000-05:00

in 2010. by some friends. they've marked it on their cell phone calendar to beep when may 31 2009 comes up. that's when they figure they'll have enough money to try to make a baby. i should be out of their basement by then, thank god they never read this blog. i should put something really embarrassing up about them to test out if they read it or not. i know my parents read it, and the fella that i like maybe reads it, and sometimes my grandma in scottsbluff reads it, but otherwise, it's all me.

long weekend

2007-05-29T23:34:00.001-05:00

so last weekend was a big one, we had our championship bout on saturday, so i did my pre-bout meditation all day. that means i did nothing and thought of nothing. if i would start to think about the bout, i'd say things like, "you're going to get hit really hard tonight, it's going to really hurt." then i'd get nervous and worried and feel sick. so i took a nap in the back yard, stayed in my jammies all day, and ate like a pig. and it worked, i didn't get nervous, even 30 minutes up until the bout when we're warming up and tweedle dip and tweedle shit tried to raz me, i was like whatever and took it easy. and i didn't get hurt, besides the fat lip i got from taking one of the tweedles out hard, yesss. but alas, the mkm had to give their 06 championship trophy to the hood ratz, it was a good game, and i'm happy to say it was a close game. the next morning i had to get to columbia missouri to assist a friend from sf who flew out to photograph a wedding, for some reason i though it would take me 3 1/2 hours to get there. wrong, it's 6. but that's cool, i made some dough and got to hang out with traci for a bit. the bride and groom live in sf, but she went to school in columbia, so for one reason or another they got married in columbia. tons of young hip successful people flew in from all over, including ireland, and watching everyone dance made me feel the pain of leaving sf. i felt the separation widening, the choice to move to the midwest, and that intangible west coastness taunting me. as we stood outside getting ready to leave, a bunch of guys who wanted to talk to traci (she's irresistible) crowded around. they're all drunk and trying to impress us with their camera knowledge, saying things like "180 3.5, what do you think of that? yeah." "i'm old school & i use 44mm, you've probably never heard of it." and other such embarrassing statements which were oddly aggressive when you think about how they're trying to get their audience to like them. and you couldn't talk with them, or correct them, or argue with them, i could barely hold my vomit in. i got over any ideas of how cool the crowd was about then. we went to an after party where this girl told me about how her friend wanted a pair of baby goats to walk down the isle at her wedding. the girl bought two pygmy goats and tried to train them to walk in a straight path for two months before the wedding in her sf backyard. she said they cried all the time and the police came, and when the wedding happened for the friend, the goats just ate the floral decorations. now that i think of it, that's a pretty amazing story and could be a tall tale. but it passed the time. then yesterday there was this huge crazy parade in front of the hotel in columbia with the biggest flag i've ever seen, the only one bigger is taht one on west o at the gas station. so i watched that, and then drove the long drive home, and took some pictures.

happy memorial day

2007-05-28T23:58:00.001-05:00

the mooney suzuki

2007-05-21T05:00:00.000-05:00

here's some photos of the mooney suzuki when they came to town, finally getting them up.
this weekend was crazy, so many birthdays and derby promo things. rode a bull, washed a car, drank waaaaay too much lately; this will be followed by a somber and sober period of reflection. but since i found my planner/journal after losing it for a few weeks, i won't be lonely. i can write bad poetry about sorrowful hearts and all that. god, i think i've been crying alot too, even untanked. lame.
i've been getting alot of emails from dudes i don't want to talk to lately, and they keep on writing even when i don't respond. dang it!you know, i just want to email and say "i don't have time for you" "i don't know you" "i wish i didn't know you" "i don't care" or something nicer, but even nicer will sound bad and bitchy. but you can't write a nice email, then they think you two have a thing going. and that's not what we want.
oh, and i DID NOT have a hot date this weekend, so much for all my bragging.
it's 3 in the morning, and i'm just kind of sad. i wish i was a more responsible friend to my people, i wish i was more responsible, i want this week to go well.

happy b-day me!!

2007-05-16T02:22:00.000-05:00

now watch this one for the wrap up.

and i quote

2007-05-15T20:41:00.000-05:00

"he better thank his lucky stars for the day he got that girl pregnant."

sioux falls!

2007-05-14T03:33:00.000-05:00

wooo hooo!
i think i may have got some good photos at least, memories. memories of champ pain shaking her money maker, check back for it and be amazed.
i wish i could just say all sorts of stuff taht's on my mind, but because of the 3 people who ever check this blog, i can't won't shouldn't couldn't will never say who i'm mad at, or what joint is currently injured, or what boy i like, or what interesting thing i did the night before.
chris mcv just sent me a mix tape, i think i mentioned it already, and i can't express how much it rules. when we got into the van to drive to sioux falls, i wanted to kick myself cuz the van had a tape player and i didn't bring my only tape i have anymore!
ok, i'll say something i hate and not say names, but i hate people who you can't say one thing without them saying some smart ass remark back. like, maybe you're trying to joke around or be funny or not even that interesting, and they have to make a comment that is not funny or joking or whatevs, but is maybe meant to show how clever they are, or how much more smart they are than you or try to shut you down or something. i don't get it. why? i like to attribute this special quality to them being insecure or wanting to impress me, but i don't know. maybe some people are just jerks naturally and don't even think about it.
i would also like to say that every guy i've had a crush on since i moved back in january (only 2 fellas) has failed to meet my expectations. not that i think they're bad, just not who i thought they were, as i'm over whatever i thought was so cool about them in the first place.
today was mother's day, or i guess technically yesterday. tasha and i got our mom a flask with "mom" and two clinking martini glasses engraved on it, it looks great. she's not a lush though. swear.