shit! i did it again! i took the sodoku challenge and i won.
tonight i'm going to crash tasha and john w's belated buddy valentine date, they're going up to omaha to eat and then to the bout between the omaha roller girls and the withita roller girls. word!
black wednesday was PACKED! had shit to do all day long, and then ended at a fancy restaurant with my valentines date, brian p. he gave me a photo of us almost 10 years ago.

things to note:
my party dress, it was a going away party for patriq and i
my bi-hawk
brian and i holding hands
brian looks the same, you could have taken the photo yesterday and he'd be wearing the same shirt.

101!!

one hundredeth and one-th post!!
i took the sokoku challenge, and i won.
if you don't already know the true panther sounds blog, stop being ignorant and check it out: http://www.truepanther.com/blog.html , i SWEAR TO GOD you will want to thank me later.
played out? i don't know, because i'm usually the last to know when something's played out, but is it good? yes. http://marmadukeexplained.blogspot.com
you know what's not fair? telling you miss someone like the desert misses the rain but don't.
you know what else is not fair? making someone's website and then disappearing.

feb update...

so what's been going on? well, i've decided to stop complaining about the cold. it gets boring, talking about all the different numbers it is outside and how they're a really big deal. it's cold and it's snowy and i don't get to ride my bike and i'm sort of getting used to it.

sweet new colors, i know.
i was sick last week, that sucked. i'm almost better now so that's good.
my phone broke but then i got a new one and it's brown and not pink.
i punched a girl in the face, but only after she punched my sister and i, and has been a pain in the ass for the last 10 years.
been meeting people, that's cool.
but best of all, i've been going to the no coast derby girls practices these last few weeks and at the end of the month all the rookies will get put onto teams. drafted like! tasha is back, and since there weren't teams yet when she was involved back when it started, she's considered a rookie. but she doesn't skate like one!! lizzy is a derby girl too, she's been with it for a while, and it's fun for all of us to go to practice together and do shit. i'm not such a good skater yet, but i'm practicing and getting better. there's gonna be "mud fest" coming up, with pudding wrestling and a kissing booth. i just want to take photos! and skate of course.
my new house rules. i live with lizzy and adam 2000, and their dogs pam and yuri. i'm in the basement, but it's finished and i have my own real kitchen down here plus a bathroom and a darkroom (???i know!) and i just do my stuff and get to hang out with a friend when i want to. and of course play with the dogs. tonight lizzy got white slippers that matched pam. pam's a little dog, a maltese.

things and stuff

yesterday i was brushing my hair and spacing off, and i idly thought to myself, "how long is it until you go home again?". and then i realized san francisco isn't my home anymore, lincoln's my home. i kind of panicked for a minute, and then tried to think of something else right away. holy moly.
the weather is cold here, a few days ago it was -11F in the morning. do you know how cold that is? that isn't cold, it's freeze your nuts off cold, it's the kind of cold where the second you go outside the only thing you think of is getting back inside. literally, all other thoughts leave your head. it sucks. i was talking to ellie last night and said, "it was sort of nice out today, it was 35F." and she said, "you think that's nice?" and i said yeah, at least you can walk around and think of other things, and you're not busy dying. there's snow too, and i haven't been able to ride my bike in 2 weeks. when will it get better so i can get around on my own? do i have to get a car? dang.
my shoulder has been hurting bad lately, like it wakes me up with it's incessant burning pain. i've suspected for years that i need some sort of surgery to repair it, but who knows, i haven't had health insurance since i graduated from sfai.
on the bright side of things, i've been going to the roller rink for adult skate with my sister tasha and her friends, it's great. my old friend and new room-mate lizzy is on the derby team here, and tasha and lizzy are encouraging me to try out for this next season. i'm kind of excited, last thursday was the second time i went to adult skate, and it was fun skating around and learning how to do cross-overs and pretend you're going fast. the skating rink is called "skate zone" now, but it used to be called "holiday skate world" back in the day. there was another skating rink called "starlight" or "stardust" and my mom took us there for saturday morning skate sessions, and we'd sing "eat it" and "built this city" and do the limbo. awesome! i used to be pigeon toed bad when i was little, and the doctor told my parents that skating would strengthen my legs so they would turn out instead of in.

today's weather:

14 degrees, feels like 0 degrees.
according to weather.com

bye sf

see everyone on the other side of the hole

Year in Review

WOW!! So, what are you doing on New Years Eve? Yeah, I don't know either. For now you can look at this awesome blog featuring my thoughts on things that happened in 2006, and a few predictions.

Books:

the Alchemist-this was hokey, plain and simple. With fakey symbolism and myths, even thinking about how to describe it irritates me. It was really popular among housewives, written to make them feel all deep and intelligent. The only redeeming thing about the book is how it emphasizes the importance of following through with your personal dream, though it's described as your "Personal Legend". Kill me please.

Idiots Guide to World War 1-I really liked this book, it's perfect bedtime reading. You can read little interesting chunks that are interesting enough to entertain, yet sustained reading is boring enough to put you to sleep. Then you have crazy dreams about trenches and the Great Wheel.

Sounds:

Old Time Radio-this is the best ever. Go to your itunes radio and look under talk/spoken word and check out "Mystery Play I-Radio", "AM 1710 Antioch OTR", "ACB Radio Treasure-Trove" and you can listen to great old time radio 24 hours a day. When I was little, every Sunday night I had to tune my clock radio to some AM station to get only an hour of programming. Now, it's like a dream come true. After listening to old time radio programs for a while, you realize how actors today don't master their voices like they used to. And this is a fact. I wish someone was still doing radio dramas, but the only people who do good voices are commercial voice-overs and people who make audio books.

Technicolor Web of Sound- a m a z i n g. 60's and 70's psychcadelic rock, though sometimes they slip in some Monkees songs. They also have old commercials that blow your mind, like Tim Leary talking about acid and Janice Jopplin making a Levis commercial.

Food:

Olives-Olives have been a hit all through the years, and that didn't change in 2006.

Leafy Greens-They're great, all the different kinds. Russian red kale, regular kale, mustard greens, spinach, collard greens, it's all good. And so easy to make.

Brie-You don't love brie? Give me a break. Get out of here.

Clues:

Shoes-You can still tell if you want to date a guy or not by his shoes. You have to be careful though, the good styles are becoming more poplular with people you may not want to date. You just have to refine and define what kind of shoes are ok.

Olives-Be suspicious of someone who is over 8 years old and does not like olives. If they don't like olives, chances are they don't like alot of good things that you like including garlic, gin, and crafts.

Advice:

Bad Friends- cut-it-out!! Cut your "bad friends" out of your life, cuz bad friends are just enemies in disguise. And you don't need to waste any of your time trying to do that old saying, "the easiest way to get rid of your enemy is to make them your friend." When people close to you stop respecting you, make you feel low and like there's something wrong with you, cut-it-out. It's hard enough to keep afloat without trying to battle some asshole pushing your head underwater. The hardest part is to hold onto your decision when they pretend they're nice people and you want to trust them again. It's ok to be civil to them, but don't start spilling your guts cuz that's when they'll turn around and hand you a shit sandwich. Be nice, but remember, cut-it-out!

Keep-It-Moving: My friend Kevin asked me if I'd heard the phrase "keep it moving" one day when I spent about 45 minutes getting worked up about some ex-boyfriend. "When it comes to your past, remember that it's ok to look, but impolite to stare. Keep it moving." This is excellent advice, and good words to tell yourself every so often.

Stars:

Britney Spears- She did some embaressing stuff, and had a couple of babies with a fucking idiot, but so what. Who hasn't done things that are better forgotten? As long as I don't have to think about how stupid she is, I like her. She's trashy, but at least she's not trying to rap.

Paris Hilton- I can't wait for her to die in 2007.

Mission Celebs- Chris McVicker brought up how much he hates Mission Celebs, and I had never thought of it that way. There's all these people here in San Francisco's Mission District who think they're sumptin' else! People who think they're really cool always get stuck in my craw, no matter if they're cool or not. Get over yourself. You are not a real celeb.

Legolas- Word, he still rules. Notice how he runs.

Internet:

2006 saw continued interest in the internet, and it's still a cool place to hang out and waste time.

War:

War still rages on and on, it's not a popular thing to be a part of now or ever.

Movies:

Green Street Hooligans- This was a terrible movie, the Hobbit was in it and it was really hard to believe he was an English FootBall Hooligan and could beat anyone up. But the guy he played opposite of was really hot, I felt the same kind of guilt liking him as liking Edward Norton in American History X.

Pursuit of Happyness- It was not uplifting like some people said, I felt all nauseous when it was over because I had spent the entire movie worrying about my own monetary problems. Even though it turned out ok in the movie, I think Will Smith took irresponsible risks with his family's well-being to follow a few pipe-dreams. This is an unpopular opinion I'm sure.

In short, 2006 did not live up to my expectations, but that's cuz I had high expectations for 2006 just like you have high expectations for the 4th of July and New Years Eve. But don't worry, 2007 is going to be a nice year, full of vegetables and friends and money and good luck.

christmas in la

the whole time, i had "walking in la" by missing persons stuck in my head, but it was too perfect not to sing "christmas in la" instead, to myself.
i went with rickard the swede and his swedish friends, and stayed with some other swedes in venice beach. i heard such interesting things as,
"cocaine, has anyone ever tried it?"
"don't you have any 'system of a down' on your ipod?"
"augh, you 'yumped' on my balls!" (no one understood why this was funny)

oh ha ha ha, the hilarity just don't stop. during our christmas eve dinner, i decided to say some words (or 'grace' as some say) and thanked everyone for coming together to have a nice holiday when we're all so far away from our families, and making a nice dinner and all that. it was short and sweet, but somehow everyone took it like it was stewart smalley up there trying to make a moment. when i called my family, they were all sitting around together, drinking and watching tv i'm sure. they just kept saying, "what ARE you doing in la with a 21 year old swedish boy? huh?" and my dad asked if he came to la if 21 year old swedish girls would like him. i had glamorized the event in my mind, telling people "i'm going to la for christmas with a swedish teenager", and it was this thing i held up as the way my life goes here in california, and i just better kiss it goodbye when i move to nebraska. but i'd like to make a lesson out of this experience. "christmas in la" is just that. no one told me there'd be "sewage sprayed on you", "not leaving the apt until 3:30pm", and "dealing with the socially inept". what good is being in venice beach with bunch of hot swedish boys if you're just sitting in a darkened room watching "family guy" dvds?(yes, plural). i don't know. i don't want to make it sound like i had a bad time, cuz i didn't. but a lo-light was on christmas day when i got food poisoning from too many meatballs and eggnog gone wrong. what's the lesson? hollywood isn't what its cracked up to be? i feel all strange lately, trying to pack up all my crap, thinking about leaving sf and all the fun i'm supposed to be having. last week i found my second white hair. today i made tasha mad by being mean. why can't i be all sweet and sincere like i was at dinner on christmas eve, talking about how important family is. why can't christmas in la be magical and just like i imagined it.

rickard, the swede, who was completely blown away when i started talking swedish to him yesterday at golden gate park.
"yes, poop, drawer. you are cute." actually, i don't think i said "you are cute", because even though i know it (and a few other things bad people have taught me), i was too embarrassed.
we went to the deyoung, it was awesome. someone said it's better than the moma, and i'm almost about ready to agree. we looked at the gee's bend quilts, and i snuck a few photos because they were so awesome. the pink and red drawing/painting is by ruth asawa, the main part of her work was these hanging woven wire sculptures that i wasn't able to sneak a photo of. the last is from the best of the bay party at club six last september.

x-cellent x-mas parties

stage dancers!
aeschleah!
nick with the polaroid that aeschleah took of us
taura and lynda!
sister saki tumi!
from the good vibes party

eye-deas

get it? like "ideas" but with the word "eye" for "i" because it's about eyes. ideas about make-up on eyes. i got a bunch of eyeshadow at the make-up convention. for free!!

yes, the rumors are true. i'm leaving sf. i'm going back to nebraska. and when i say this, people want to pull me aside and try to convince me not to. like i'm throwing my life away.
tonight i hung out with a fellow lincolnite, linda. she's awesome and saw my band play at paul tisdale's house in like, 1993 or something, crazy. she is also moving back, and we spent alot of time talking about the pros and cons of moving "back home". on my ride back to my place, on that stupid bmx bike i'm riding right now, i thought about how much i'm going to miss all the amazing people i've met here, and how i'm going to miss eli and naomi, and how i'm going to miss people i don't hang out or call enough. and for a little bit on that hecka long ride home cuz of 15" wheels, i kind of felt like this place just might be my home. or at least i've got used to it...
i have a crush on a boy... a boy here, not ne.
ciao.

career girl

so it would seem that my specialty as a receptionist is to hang up on people. really. by accident!! see, i sort of bullshitted my way into the gig (did i just say 'gig'?) and claimed to know how to use the fucking switchboard they have for the agency, so i can't really go back and ask questions like, "so, what does it do when i press this button 3 times?" when you have a question, for someone, you better be prepared to explain why you're asking, and how the situation was previously resolved.
me: "where should I send someone who calls to verify the employment status of someone?"
other: "why, did someone call?"
me: "um yes?"
other: "where did you send them?"
me: "I don't know? i hung up on them or sent them to the ceo's voicemail?"
oops. i just have this fear that my utterly non-qualified ass is going to get exposed and i'll be publicly humiliated. it seems like i've been there for a month, and it's only been 3 days. it's pretty boring, i spend alot of time alternating between staring at the phone terrified that it's going to ring, and drawing on post-it notes. today i brought in some desk decor, a mini holiday tree. (see above) next i need that pin thing that you can put your hand in. and some white sneakers to wear when i go out to lunch with the other ladies in my office.


and ps, i did this all on my OWN time!!!

yes wow, i finally did it. i learned how to ride with nooo hands! not very well, but it's a start.
everyone's out of town for thanksgiving, even people i don't want to spend it with... so instead of hanging out at home by myself, i invited myself to house sit for my friends eli and naomi in menlo park. turns out the position had already been taken, but eli and naomi figured their cats would have a better chance of being alive with 2 semi-responsible people feeding them than just one semi-responsible person. so bradford and i have spent the week pretending to be eli and naomi! i am currently waiting for them to get home so we can drink some wine.
i've finally given in to myspace, it feels like i'm cheating on my friendster account.