Tuesday, November 14, 2006

sssssssssssnake oil.

my first assignment from the temp agency was quite random, working at a cosmetics convention.

"all I know is that it's enzymamnatic and good for de-crustation."
"chicos has the most attractive extras."
"where has she been?? that's a half hour of sales that she's never going to get back. ever."
it was the strangest thing, the people attending the convention were the most unattractive and unstylish people ever. they owened spas, hair salons, nail botiques, were make-up artists, and attending beauty school, but i couldn't imagine consulting them about anything besides slurpee flavors. there were gadgets to steam clean the skin germ off you, and $3000 shaking machines to liquify your cellulite and thin-ize your thighs. creams and pastes made out of seaweed and apricots and placenta to clear up or soften up or firm up your skin. blacklights to whiten your teeth, dry your nails, and prevent wrinkles.
thank god i was just selling make-up.
i developed a little demonstration for the "glitz fix" and glitter we had, it went like this:
"have you seen our "glitz fix" yet?" and the person would go "no" and i'd say, "let me show you. first you take our "glitz fix" and apply it to your skin," and i make a squiggle with the "glitz fix" on the back of my hand. "you can't see it now, but when you use it with our loose glitter," and i'd take a pinch of glitter and sprinkle it over the squiggle and then blow off all the loose glitter to leave the glue part all encrusted with shiny glitter. and your hand is still in a shimmering cloud of glitter, and it looks magical and you show the small crowd of people how cool it looks, and say, "the "glitz fix" adheres the glitter to your skin. it's really dramatic looking, right?" and people would put one "glitz fix" into their basket along with a few glitters. i got it down fairly good, until some lady asked how you're supposed to use it on your eyes.
"oh your eyes. well, uh, oooooof course, well, you'd want to be alot more...careful." because i don't really know anything about the make-up i was selling, as i had never used an "eye base" or "lash primer" or "lip sealer" or any of the things ladies who use alot of make-up use to help all their make-up stay on better. lord.

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