Tuesday, November 14, 2006

sssssssssssnake oil.

my first assignment from the temp agency was quite random, working at a cosmetics convention.

"all I know is that it's enzymamnatic and good for de-crustation."
"chicos has the most attractive extras."
"where has she been?? that's a half hour of sales that she's never going to get back. ever."
it was the strangest thing, the people attending the convention were the most unattractive and unstylish people ever. they owened spas, hair salons, nail botiques, were make-up artists, and attending beauty school, but i couldn't imagine consulting them about anything besides slurpee flavors. there were gadgets to steam clean the skin germ off you, and $3000 shaking machines to liquify your cellulite and thin-ize your thighs. creams and pastes made out of seaweed and apricots and placenta to clear up or soften up or firm up your skin. blacklights to whiten your teeth, dry your nails, and prevent wrinkles.
thank god i was just selling make-up.
i developed a little demonstration for the "glitz fix" and glitter we had, it went like this:
"have you seen our "glitz fix" yet?" and the person would go "no" and i'd say, "let me show you. first you take our "glitz fix" and apply it to your skin," and i make a squiggle with the "glitz fix" on the back of my hand. "you can't see it now, but when you use it with our loose glitter," and i'd take a pinch of glitter and sprinkle it over the squiggle and then blow off all the loose glitter to leave the glue part all encrusted with shiny glitter. and your hand is still in a shimmering cloud of glitter, and it looks magical and you show the small crowd of people how cool it looks, and say, "the "glitz fix" adheres the glitter to your skin. it's really dramatic looking, right?" and people would put one "glitz fix" into their basket along with a few glitters. i got it down fairly good, until some lady asked how you're supposed to use it on your eyes.
"oh your eyes. well, uh, oooooof course, well, you'd want to be alot more...careful." because i don't really know anything about the make-up i was selling, as i had never used an "eye base" or "lash primer" or "lip sealer" or any of the things ladies who use alot of make-up use to help all their make-up stay on better. lord.

Sunday, November 12, 2006


the light in the end of the coffee hole has come... i just finished my last shift. !!!
and celebrated by making a drink on my bike.

this also ends the tale of the little keds i wore, they will no longer be subjected to spills or have slops of grounds poured on them. this is the last pic of them dirty from coffee:

and here they are after a washing...

i was kind of sad during the beginning of the day, the last week or so i had been trying to think of a customer that i should ask out just because i'd be leaving. there is one who seems a little older than me, he orders a large coffee with 2 shots and always tips a dollar. but he has a girlfriend. there's another boy that kind of looks like what you imagine harry potter to look like from the books (not the movies), he orders a small coffee and reads the paper for a long time and rides a bike. but he didn't come in my last day. but then one of my favorite boys came in, the little latin one who dresses so sharp, like a leader of a 70's drug cartel. but i think he's probably like 16 or something. "just my type" you'd think, but honestly i really don't want to make the time in my busy life for a whining boy who'll shrink my world. so i didn't ask anyone out my last day.
peter, the best shift lead in the world, came in to say goodbye, he was dressed in an expensive cashmere sweater and looked so handsome and nice, i hugged him and told him how soft he was.
at the end of the shift, we took shots of tequila while we cleaned up. everyone is always so proper at work, no one REALLY wants to break the rules, people do, but in minor ways that don't make things easier or more fun for anyone. it's a very managed atmosphere. there's cameras everywhere that the central office can look in on all the time, and the shift leaders are all concerned about their jobs and care about their permanent record in life. i always tried to convince people that we should take down the big delicious poster of the pain in the ass drink, but everyone was like, "noooo, we can't do that" and there's no team effort to close early or drink on the clock. everything's all micro managed, just the way i hate it . but the shots were fun. i wish we did them more often.
besides the anti-shenanagin atmosphere, everyone from work is really nice and i'm sad to not work with them anymore, though i'm really quite happy not to have to work at the coffee hole. lately i drift off to sleep tossing and turning thinking about making drinks wrong. i won't miss that. after i got home the night of my last shift, i lay in bed smiling, unable to sleep. i tossed and turned, but i couldn't relax for thinking about all the timers i hid around the store to go off at various times during peter's shift during the next day. har-dee-har-har!!! i even threw one above the lights, wrapped up in a bag and timed to go off at 3ish. the beeping will be faint and barely detectable and in an unlikely and inconvenient place. i could barely get to sleep for all the happiness.

likes sizzurp.

sooo soft.

wouldn't let me take a photo of her.

was surprised when i asked him if he's from nebraska. can you blame me?


is really an old school san francisco native.

where's jadie's picture?!?

euna just barged into my room and was all, look at this!! and holding a box that had been sitting on our foosball table for the last few days, addressed to someone who doesn't live here. it was for a neighbor who no one likes anymore, and now we had a box that was meant for him. so we opened it. it said it was from "edible specials" or something, and when i lifted the lid, a little fly escaped, and inside was a bunch of chocolate coated strawberries and stuff! we squealed and went to dig in, but then noticed the pieces were dripping juice. on further inspection, the strawberries had mold and the apples were soggy. but dang! it was some gourmet shit, in little paper thingies and all. what a waste. if we had only ate them when we first go the package, it would have been fine. so euna and i pulled the wilted strawberries out of their chocolate shells like fruity escargot, and went to the bathroom sink and rinsed the chocolate off with water. and besides the velvety soft inside, it was a delicious snack. DEEEE-licious. and if this becomes evidence of mail theft, euna is innocent.